ugableghflppbb
that pretty much sums it up. i die of boredom a little bit each day. i try not to gripe about my life too much cause i know nobody wants to hear it and pessimism is unhealthy. but seriously. i have it good compared to a great many people and i am fortunate. i am actually more happy overall now than i think i have ever been in my life. my only hang-up is i mourn the past too much. i dwell on how things should have been, and instead of focusing on how to change things, i get stuck. it's really quite frustrating and seeing as i don't have a god i can trust to just fix everything for me, i get pretty bummed about things i don't think the average person gets bummed about. this is something i've done for a very long time, as far back as i can remember! i have some ways of coping, but generally i do not handle stress very well. well, it may seem like i do but actually i don't. i perform relatively well under pressure but it takes a toll on me physically and mentally. then i get to marinate in resentment for a little while and that takes a further toll on me. see? it's a vicious cycle. so how do people deal with their stress, i wonder? how is it that they have a lot of the same issues i have (nobody is unique anymore, in terms of "problems") but they seem to deal with it and move on with life, as healthy and happy as before. is there something i am missing? a chemical? a technique learned in childhood?
boredom is my ultimate enemy. it causes me to ruminate too much. it causes me to mindlessly snack, or wander around the internet. it makes me want to sleep. it makes me want to do anything but what i am supposed to be doing. i am constantly bored at work. is that normal? it's tortuous for me cause i have to sit here and think about all the other stuff i could be doing at home, or in my life in general. i've realized that i am not the ambitious person my mother wants me to be - i am more of a homemaker, a teacher, a gardener, a caretaker, a nurse, a woman. i imagine all the feminists of the 60's would be highly disappointed in me, seeing as i spent 8 years to get a master's degree in architecture only to dream of being a housewife. i'm almost ashamed of it, but should i be? is it somehow demeaning cause it seems to be looked down on. i don't understand why women are expected to have a career and a family now, it just seems like there can't be both. one or the other. it's hard for me to make those kind of difficult decisions - take my licensing exam, or have children before my ovaries dry up? get LEED certified or save money for a baby? try to move up my position or spend more time preparing myself for having a family? how does one make a decision this tough? i can't even imagine what it would be like to be a single working mom, i just can't. it's a shame our country doesn't take care of it's women and children a little better. at least take good care fo the children so the women can worry less.
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Yes, its amazing how doing what you love, when it doesnt measure up to the political convention of a person's gender, manages to weigh us down with feelings of inadequacy.
I know what is that you speak of here.
I will tell you something. Feminists who think that Feminism can only be measured by corporate success and one's ability to acquire a man's life at all costs, got it terribly wrong. They usually figure that out after they push that first kid out.
Feminism is about choice. Its about not being disenfranchised for being a woman. That should also count for *Not being disenfranchised for preferring traditional-women's work.
Hang in there.
thanks for that! i think you hit the nail right on the head there. now if i could only convince my mom...
I think the grass is indeed always greener...but I definitely see the allure of the housewife (ahem). There is not enough pride behind that title anymore, when there really really should be. Especially for the mommas doing it all alone. Boredom is my enemy as well, but goddamn i'd be 100 times MORE bored if there were no internet at all!! lol I'm totally addicted to it though. I hope you still visit sometime, that would alleviate some boredom and it would certainly tempt you to come to a country where they certainly do treat their women and children right!
<3
I feel isolated a lot. I homeschool, but when I met other homeschoolers, they took religion to ridiculous heights with political ideologies. I didnt feel welcome there even though we were in aggreement on some matters, it was that fundamental differences that kept me from being able to overcome their prickly weirdness.
I feel ignored and rejected by Feminists. For the same reason you do. If we do not honor our roles as mothers and care givers, no one else will either. Women fought for feminism for the right to vote, to participate in every aspect of the American Dream and the Democratic Process. Somehow though it became something else. Feminism disenfranchised the mother and the home makers in order to distance themselves from the stigma of "You must be retarded or mentally deficient to like this job or consider it a--ahem--career of some sort.
I dont have a problem with what I do. Its good honest hard work and its needed. my kids need me especially now.
Its other people on the outside who dont appreciate what I do or why. And yet they would blame me if both my kids grew up to be crazed serial killers.
Mothers are damned if they do, and damned if they dont. And unfortunately its other women who do most of that damning from both sides.
i worry about homeschooling sometimes because of that exact same reason. i don't want to clash with a bunch of other women about teaching, politics, religion, etc. but at the same time i want to be involved as much as i can with community. but honestly, i am beginning to not care at all about what other people think. i used to worry that they judeged me as weird all the time when they really weren't, but now, as i get stranger (what with the homesteading obsession), i realize that i AM weird and not normal and that's a GOOD thing that i am totally fine with! i don't care about what my mom thinks as much either. i just have to make careful decisions because i don't want to have to rely solely on my future husband to provide for the family when i am totally capable (and qualified) of having a career. it's messed up to think each decision all the way through only to realize that no matter what you decide, you are submitting to a stereotype.
Actually by being able to think things through, you break several stereotypes.
When I joined a local homeschool e-mail group, I was totally out of step with the group.
Some complained if I said anything at all. None were interested in talking just as adults.
It was only about the kids. TO me that is a stereotype in that, somehow THEY dont matter at all as people, its all for the kids.
Excuse me {to them} but I am important too. I am a person and I have needs, desires, goals, and ambitions. I might have put some on hold for a while, but they are still there.
I didnt become a homeschool SAHM to loose myself completely in that, just as I chose not to submerge my mothering instinct in feminism and transfer that to women who didnt want it really or appreciate it, regardless of what they claim.
Its not about being weird or different. Its about connecting with people. I put my hand out in honesty and friendship. It was slapped because I didnt have the right ideology AND I didnt keep my mouth shut about it.
As a feminist I fought and served to have the right to self expression. And I teach my girls that.
I dont try and shut others up, I just expect the same rights and priviledges as a citizen, and that includes freedom of conscience, freedom of speech, self expression, equal protection etc.,
So the Turbo-Church-Ladies really disappointed me in that they expected all that as well, but there were exceptions and I was one of them, ideologically speaking.
They wanted all those freedoms for everyone who agreed with them. How convenient.
I am going to stop now, because the topic has touched a nerve. Nothing you did, the pain is always there and was there long before we connected online.
Keep on Keeping on!
Dont give up and dont give in.
i didn't expect much of a response to this post (mostly because i don't have very many readers, and they hardly ever comment..) but i am delightfully surprised that it has sparked a conversation on an issue that i think lacks appropriate attention. i found this article that was very interesting and enlightening - mainly because i have a similarly complicated relationship with my mother that i just didn't know how to react to. i think they share the same ambitious competitive gene because much of what rebecca walker described of her mother resembles my mother. there's a deep seeded resentment that's supressed by some kind of childlike devotion that i just cannot shake - and i'm 30 years old. i try to think of it as a learning experience that will help me be a better mother but at the same time, it was my childhood. you can't replace a childhood, or do-over. in any case - it's a long story and i'm sure everyone has one unique to their situation, i just what the future holds for me and my family...
oh, i forgot to leave the link to the article i read - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021293/How-mothers-fanatical-views-tore-apart.html
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