random beautiful child

so johnny and i have been taking the dogs to a new dog park a lot recently and i honestly love this park because there's a large fenced in area and then a large field next to it with lush clover patches. today was such a beautiful day and the clovers were so green i laid down on the ground and snapped some photos. then out of nowhere a little girl shows up next to me and asks, "what are you doing?" and i replied, "taking pictures of the grass." without skipping a beat she asks me, "why?" and i had to kind of laugh because it was a good question. i said, "because it's so pretty." so she sits down next to me and looks at the grass and i asked her what her name was. she said her name is Beatrice.


she looked about 5 years old. I told her that i was also looking for a four leaf clover, because they are hard to find and they will bring me luck. so she settles in and starts looking for four leaf clovers. she was so cute, with bright red hair and freckles on her nose and cheeks. i couldn't help but take some photos of Beatrice.


she was a sweet girl and so innocent and precocious. her mother was sitting on a bench watching us and came over to chat. she said she was 47 years old and her daughter was 5. obviously a very much wanted and loved child! she helped me look for four leaves and picked a bouquet of clovers. i can't wait to have my own daughter!

not a very merry xmas

this year with all the crap that's going on, all the pressure we are under, all the stress we deal with everyday, johnny and i decided not to have christmas. beside the fact that we have zero money to spend on gifts or anything, we just wanted to be left the hell alone. even still johnny drove to beaufort to have xmas with his family just to make an appearance. i treated it just like any other day pretty much. i cooked and cleaned like i always do. but i didn't mind cause all the food came out great and the one guest we had over - emily, kim's old roomie - really enjoyed herself. so i guess i can honestly describe our christmas as laid back.

but it's pretty much safe to say i hate christmas. i am now officially the grinch. actually, i never really liked christmas that much as a kid, either. i hardly ever got what i wanted so i didn't bother making a list. when i got older i started getting some things i really wanted - mostly electronic gadgets from my mom (who i suspect was trying to make up for something). but more than anything i hated how people act around the holidays. it seems like people are either greedy, depressed, jealous, anxious, prideful, and self absorbed. i can't exactl exclude myself from those adjectives but i knew christmas was not a very good holiday. it seemed to bring out a lot of bad in people.

and it also stands to reason that since i don't believe in christ, i shouldn't be celebrating christmas. so i don't think i will celebrate christmas anymore. at least, not in it's modern "traditional" sense. yea, i like to decorate with christmas-y things. i like to bake cookies and make snowmen (theoretical snowmen, anyways), i like the general feel of christmas. but i hate the travelling, the obligation, the anxiety over gifts and family. so i'll take what i like and leave the rest.

what about our kids? are we robbing them of a happy childhood? if you really think your kids need christmas to have a happy childhood then you aren't doing a very good job. i think our kids will be very happy, and we will more than compensate for not brainwashing our children into thinking a fat man is going to give them presents. (no offense to fat men...)

so yeah. poo on christmas.

but we actually had a good time. i even got to make experimental peanut butter & jelly samosas.

too much to catch up on!

my mom sewing a skirt for me at dry pond

besides the fact that i constantly lose vital components to either my laptop or camera which prevent me from posting and/or uploading pics, i've been so busy lately that i can't even remember all the stuff i wanted to blog about! the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of friends and family and job hunting, apartment hunting, roadtrips and living out of a suitcase. this is literally the first chance i've had to sit down and write. so while my camera is uploading 300 pictures onto my computer, i'll just briefly touch on the highlight of events.

picked crystals on my new green skirt...

i've spent a lot of time with my mom. going to dry pond and her land that has the crystals. we've picked so much crystal that it filled a pickle jar (thanks, johnny!) and 3 strawberry cartons. i'll post pics of that. i've learned a lot of new things about my family, my mom's past, why she did the things she did and it was kind of a breakthrough. for the first time in her life, she apologized to me. she really apologized and admitted things she never could. she's still a stubborn pain in the ass but i understand her now. the woman has had it tough and never got any credit for it either.

bog mint tea, picked fresh from the koi ponds!

i also spent a lot of time with my cousin suejin and it is now a top priority for me to help her and her mom make a better life for themselves. suejin is 6 months pregnant and has absolutely no support - physically, emotionally, or financially. they are teetering on the edge of homelessness and despair and i just can't bear to think that i've been helping everyone but my own cousin my whole life. she and i are so alike, and i can imagine how totally sad and broken i would be in her position. i don't feel sorry for her, i feel frustrated at how things have happened.

my wonderful friend Shai from india is in town for my wedding. Unfortunately, the wedding has been postponed and she flew all the way from Mumbai! luckily, she's not pissed off and we are all so happy to see each other we don't care. I missed her terribly and I don't want her to leave but she's got other places to go, people to see so she'll be gone this friday.

shai finds a broken perfume bottle in her luggage...

shai is so cute!

these are the days of our lives....

sometimes my life feels like a soap opera. my mom is definitely a soap opera character. she's very proud, commanding, manipulative, and sometimes just plain crazy. one day she's happy, sweet, and fun to be around. the next day she's stabbing you in the back with an ice pick and watching while you beg for mercy. my stepfather, on the other hand, is her complete opposite. he's very meek and kind of simple-minded. he wouldn't dare talk back to my mom. naturally, she walks all over him. she's got him by the balls and he's pretty much her slave. at any given time of the year, family members from my mom's side of the family are quarelling. right now, my uncle and youngest aunt are not speaking to my mother. neither am i. my sister managed to escape the drama that is our family and moved to texas.

i wont air all our family's dirty laundry, not because i care but because it's just too much shit to write down. let's just say we got some serious history. especially me and my mom. our relationship is, to say the least, contentious.

we have had knock-down drag out fights in public places, screaming matches during family gatherings, and serious amounts of time not talking to each other. the funny thing is, out of all the people in our family, my mother and i are the closest. only because i'm the only person who has been able to put up with her shit and defend myself. it's really sad because i'm sure that we aren't really as close as a normal mother and daughter.

regardless of all the stuff that has happened between us, i always end up coming back to my mom. it's a very masochistic habit that i totally recognize but can't break. she's my mother. i kinda hoped that she would love me unconditionally and be there for me when i needed her. unfortunately, those are the last two things my mother does - love unconditionally and be there for me. whenever i got into trouble, i had to turn to everyone else but my mom. she would never help me out of any situation or sympathize with me. her advice to me was always tough it out.

well, i believe that we have finally reached the last straw.

when i told my mom that johnny and i were going to get married this october, she was not happy at all. she told me she was disappointed in me. that we would never get anywhere together and our future is not going to be happy. i wasn't prepared for this reaction, so i couldn't really say anything. i couldn't believe what i was hearing. but it all makes sense. me marrying johnny just doesn't fit into her grand scheme of things. she wants me to get licensed, start a firm and basically be her in-house architect. kinda like she has her own personal assistant and aesthetician and lawyer and doctor. she knows that if i marry johnny, i might just decide to get pregnant and have a family and ditch my career. well, she's absolutely right.

what she said to me hurt me pretty bad. it felt like a cold knife in the heart. i expected her to take over my wedding planning but now she might not even attend our wedding. i am pretty sad that she's taking this route, but in a way i should have expected it. she did this to my sister. i almost forgot how hard she tried to get paula to leave bobby. i forgot how hard it was for paula to tell mom that she was pregnant again. why does our mom have to be like that? paula is happily married with two beautiful kids. i'm pretty sure i will be, too.

so, johnny and i decided that we want to be happy and surround ourselves with family and friends we love. there's nothing keeping us in atlanta. we are coastal small town folk. we like our funky smelling air and sand in everything. we like south carolina barbeque and big open skies. we are moving back to the coast - savannah. we'll be close to beaufort and it's a place where i would like to have kids. our dogs love the beach and so do we.

our wedding is october 18, 2008 on hunting island beach. it's going to be a very small wedding.

the beautiousness of spring

it's been gorgeous outside the past several days, with random rainshowers here and there that makes the whole world burst with green and colorful blooms. today is one such day. i have been enjoying my new front porch so much lately i haven't been able to bring myself to sit at a computer any longer than at work and therefore am way behind on pictures (believe it or not). so, let's see...shall we continue in chronological order?

the other day we all sat out on the back patio and had watermelon and lemonade and conversation. the dogs, especially syrus, were trolling around the table, wanting to taste the scrumptious watermelon we were eating so we gave him the leftover rind. we had no clue how much they would end up enjoying it! syrus's underbite serves him well as a melon scoop!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNMZTy7mdIg


here is a final shot of the new front porch, which i heart so much. we will eventually get prettier chairs out there, but damn those camp chairs really are comfy! to the bottom left is the newly planted tea olive tree, which is one of my favorites. the hibiscus is still waiting to be planted in the front yard, by the sidewalk.

and a closeup of said hibiscus, with a particularly pretty bloom which my crappy camera and my shaky hands did a terrible job of capturing. i'll try not to complain too much about that crappy camera because it is better than no camera...

and the best pic out of many that B and i took of this gorgeous dragonfly that appeared out of nowhere and chilled on the screen of the front windows all early afternoon with me. i remember catching these as pets in korea and keeping them in little cages - but none of them are as colorful as this little guy.

so i told B how to catch a dragonfly and she did! she said it was so cool! then we let him go and he flew and briefly landed on my stevia plant. but before i could snap more pics, he flew off into the sky.... ahhh the freedom of being a beautiful dragonfly!

so, that's the gist of it. god, i love spring! i still have some planting to do but i am expecting a nice bounty of herbs and veggies this year. weeeee! i can't wait!!

brainwashing myself

so there's an article on unclutterer that really makes sense to me, considering i am one of those people who believes in brainwashing. i have tried self hypnosis during my temporary insanity period of college. i was going nuts, didn't know how to deal with it so got someone to prescribe drugs for me. i ended up on effexor and it turned me into a zombie. every night i had surrealistic dreams of being a man and swimming with seals in the arctic. it was like a quasi-permanent state of tripping. believe me, i know. needless to say, it was not helping or solving any problems so i quit cold-turkey which is comparable to a bad acid trip while pmsing.

i still had the issues that made me turn to pharmaceuticals in the first place, so i explored hypnosis, which my father allegedly knows all about. that didn't work as well as i had hoped, but i did learn how to visualize my rage as a bright red and turn it into a less insane shade of blue-green. i made mandalas in my head. it helps, when i remember to use the technique.

then i came across a random quote that made me realize that i had been brainwashed all my life. to this day, i cannot remember the exact quote, and i don't remember where i read it or who said it, but the gist of it is that suffering the abuse of power long enough will turn you into ______. i can't remember that exact word, and it drives me crazy, but at the time i read that quote, it made so much sense and i instantly knew how it applied to my life.

this post could go down another long and dark path, so i'm going to cut the story short here. basically, i think i could use this brainwashing susceptibilty to my advantage. i could turn lemons onto lemonade, if i can figure out how to get there. i might need professional help, but wouldn't it be worth it? i'm tired of extremes. i don't want to be a zombie, but i don't want to be crazy, either. i want to make my life my way, not as a result of everything that has been done to me, or my lack of conviction or fears. the funny thing is, i KNOW what i am capable of, i have been tested (to quote hillary) and i have seen the power that my mind has over my body and my will. i'm actually proud of how well i am able to handle things when i have no other choice. but lazy, spoiled and resentful me has taken hostage of me right now and she's hanging on. does this make me sound utterly nuts or does this make any sense? i'll shut up now.

no more camera

sorry but this blog is going to be rather imageless for a little while. my camera is broken and i have yet to get a new one. i'm kind of mad because it was a NEW camera my mom bought for me at costco. it is a coolpix. well it's a crappix now. this is why quality should reign over being cheap when it comes to things like cameras. my next camera will be a good quality one and i guess i have to be anal retentive and not snap photos when it's snowing outside.

i am thinking about saving up for a really nice camera, one of those fancy ones with a big lens that you can take professional quality pictures with. i'm going to stay under $600. i don't know much about cameras so its going to take a lot of research. if you have any suggestions, tips, etc. please let me know (in the comments)!

on a random note, my mom came over last night and casually mentioned that she found my old spanking paddle. it sounds funny. unfortunately, it's the object of much hatred. if that thing did not exist, i would probably hate my mother a lot less. not so funny now, huh? she used it not only to spank me, but humiliate me as well because she would actually show it off to everyone and laugh. and 20 some years later, she is still doing it. that woman just doesn't freakin get it. haha, isn't it funny that she used to beat me with a giant rice paddle and document every stroke on its handle? isn't it funny she used to spank me for stupid shit like spilling my paint cup? isn't it just hilarious that she showed it off and laughed at my expense to anyone willing to listen (which, of course is everybody since for some reason spanking little girls is so amusing). don't get me wrong, i actually believe in spanking - as a total last resort. punishment should not be to hurt someone's feelings or confidence. it's supposed to teach a lesson. in my case it was abused. it wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't use that paddle to shame me as well, but she did. and we both paid for it. don't humiliate your kids, people. it's hard to forget.

baby talk

i'm just going to get this one post out of the way while i'm thinking about it and in the mood to write about it. it seems like the past two years the subject of spawning children has been thrown in my face everywhere i go. at work there were at least 3 or 4 women pregnant at all times. i start hearing about so-and-so from college who got married to you-know-who and had kids. then, my good friend V dropped a bombshell recently and announced her pregnancy. so, now i'm starting to feel left behind. but not to the point where i wanna go out and get knocked up immediately, so it's all good. but it's gonna happen - eventually.

this is monumental, folks. i am not a wanna-have-a-baby type of girl. i do not get all mushy over a baby like some women do. yeah, some kids are cute but mostly i just see a drooling little parasite that requires constant upkeep. i seriously prefer dogs. i watch those birth stories on tlc in complete shock and horror, like i've just seen a train wreck. the thought of the birthing process grossed me out completely. but the funny thing is, breaking my ankle changed my view. i'm sure my orthopedic surgeon had no idea how much his words would make a difference to me after he set my leg back into place. PAIN was being redefined as i screamed at the top of my lungs and he pulled and twisted my broken tibia and fibula back into a resemblance of an ankle. it all happened quickly, and he was very efficient but it hurt like hell nonetheless. afterwards he looked at me and said "childbrith will be a breeze for you now". and i thought ... really?

so now i'm not as hypersensitive about the pain of it all and i was able to really do some reasearch about the childbirth process. see, i research the hell out of things when i am worried about it... like death, starting a new business, changing careers, etc... anyways, that on top of my enthusiatically pregger friend V who has slowly transitioned me from a woman who likened giving birth with the horrible scene from Alien when the worm-like thing popped from that guy's stomach to actually planning my future birth. I'm close to a point where getting pregnant might not feel like the end of the world to me. but if i think about it too hard it still kind of freaks me out. but yeah, giving birth is undeniably the most amazing thing that humans can do. too bad it's been all chopped up and prepackaged for many women....

so, about a year or so ago i began a personal diary sort of thing to prepare and guide myself through pregnancy and raising kids. i did this as a failsafe to my admittedly instable personality. i don't ever want to take out my emotions on my kid. i want to make sure that i don't scar my kids for life by saying something i didn't mean to or doing something i didn't realize hurt them. it's actually kind of frightening how much power and influence a parent has over their kid - for example, my mother said to me once when i was really little, like 5 or 6 yrs old - "don't be a selfish pig" in reference to me wanting something (i think it was food). for some reason that line stuck with me for the rest of my life and it influenced me negatively in so many things, both conscious and subconscious. i am sure she didn't realize what she said would do that, but nonetheless it became a part of who i am. it made me insecure, worry about what others would think of me, worried that i really was a selfish pig, worried that nobody would like me because i was so awful. it also made me think i was fat since i was 6. i remember quite clearly sitting in the bathtub and thinking to myself "i am a fat kid" at that age. my mother had no idea. she's a totally different person now, but i don't want to make that same mistake. i think my sister has the same exact idea as i do. everything she does for her kids are an attempt to avoid the damage our mother did to us. in her defense, my mother was tormented in her youth, too. she didn't know any better, and i can forgive her for that. but i could not live with myself if i had that kind of effect on my kids. so i will do everything i can think of in my power to keep myself from unintentionally undermining my kid's self-esteem or confidence. or trust in me.

back to the diary - it's basically a collection of tips and advice i have found in various places - some of my own thoughts about how i want to raise my kids. rules, mission statements, guidelines, and of course the list of baby names i like. who deosn't have that? occasionally johnny and i will throw around some names we like and recently i actually made up a name that we both liked - mavelyn. it is actually fun to dream about having kids - i think maybe more fun than actually going through it. i have random thoughts throughout the day and a really bad memory so i have to keep a running file on my computer at work to jot down stuff i want to read later when the time comes. well, that's not such a secure way to store such information so i've been thinking about keeping it here on my blog - which i really write in for my kids and myself in the future anyways. and i would love to read comments on them. believe it or not, unlike many people, i am pretty open to criticism. design studios have taught me that ability. so, withought further rambling i would like to post the first piece from my raising my kids diary.

Baby Girl Names I Like: Abigail, Alexis, Autumn, Amber, Audrey, Carlee, Chloe, Cordelia, Dierdre, Emmelia (another one i made up), Eleanor, Fawn, Fern, Genevieve, Grace, Gwyneth, Gillian, Hannah (my bff in korea's name), Hailey, Harmony, Hazel, Justine, Keilani, Kimora, Kailee, Lidia, Lily, Lealana, Matilda, Madeline, Meadow, Melody, Mabel, Malorie, Mila, Morgana, Mavelyn, Noemi, Olivia, Oliana, Phoebe, Piper, Pomona, Rhiannon, Sophia, Scarlet, Tabitha, Vivien, Virginia, Willow, and Wilhelmina. I like middle names that are flowers or animals for some reason. very hippy and cliche but i like 'em.

Baby Boy Names I Like: Arthur, Adam, Ashton, Benjamin, Bradley, Cole, Conan, Connor, Colm, Daniel, Devan, Dylan, Elliot, Ethan, Finley, Fredrick, Garret, Gareth, Harold, Harrison, Ian, Jarrod, Joshua, Jeremiah, Jeremy, Jacob, Kieran, Kevin, Kinsey, Korbin, Liam, Lucas, Maddox, Maxwell, Miles, Oliver, Owen, Percival, Perry, Phillip, Quinn, Reese, Remy, Russell, Seth, Sean, Stanley, Thomas, Tristan, Theo, Victor, Vaughn, Warren and Wilbur.

I didn't find as many boy names I like and there are a ton of names, all of which seem over-used. Most of them are really irish or biblical, neither of which really fits in with me. If I wanted to go norweigan and korean we would have some ugly baby names. it'll sound like hawking a loogie. I want to try to find at least one name I like for every letter of the alphabet. Girl names are definitely a lot more fun. We've decided that I'll pass on my surname to our daughter and Johnny will pass his to our son. that way we can continue the sort of matriarchal surname tradition on my side of the family and johnny can pass his name down, too. seeing as he is the only boy in his family that still has the potential to hand down the family name....

gettin the hang of it

i love lazy mornings in bed with the dogs....


moto is sleeping in...he likes that heating pad way too much


one thing i didn't expect to happen from my adventures on MARTA was a new perspective on life. Yes, i know. it sounds corny. but i actually mentioned it to my mom the other day and she totally agreed. apparently, not to be outdone (never!) by me, my mother has been taking MARTA as well. she picked me up from work last week and we talked about atlanta's beltway project and how the city will be changing over the next few years - and how walking around the city and taking a train makes Atlanta a completely different place. first and foremost, walking forces you to see more. you'r not just zipping by that building, you can slowly stroll past and actually register the details that someone meant to be there. believe it or not, a lot of the built environment is intentional - and it's kind of fun for me to figure out why someone put that there, or made it that way...like that parking garage with the overhanging vehicles. the next most noticeable thing are the sounds, smells, and quality of air - which actually sucks for me. i hate breathing in the pollution but it comes with the territory. i guess overall it has been a multi-sensory experience for me - kind of like time has slowed down and i am observing in slow motion. it reminds me of seoul so much, its almost overwhelming. i don't know if its a good or bad thing, but at the very least it makes me feel like a part of the city as opposed to an occupant of the city. i also notice the amount of homeless people in atlanta. i haven't been bothered by any of them because they are usually sleeping in a cocoon of blankets when i walk past. i have been thinking about handing out some biscuits and coffee but i don't want to get trampled and i can't afford to feed all of them. not all the time, anyways - i would feel horrible if i was handing out food and someone didn't get any. i don't know what to do. i still feel gulty about the homeless guy we saw by gwinnett mall who was begging on the street with no shoes. it broke my heart but at the same time froze me from action. why do i fear homeless people like that? i want to just take them home and wash and feed them but i don't want to insult their dignity, either...i sometimes find it really hard to believe that my mother and i were nearly that desperate long ago..

making headway

i actually made something cute yesterday. i nearly went blind trying to thread my needles, but i managed to produce a new pincushion for myself seeing as louie ate my last one. i decided to make a faux sushi roll out of pre-made felt. it came out kind of cute if i do say so myself.

i've been on a mad crafting/farming/child development/education/ home business/ heirloom gardening information hoarding binge. i have learned a lot. it kills me how you go through life trying to figure out what you want to do then when you finally got it you spend the rest of your life trying to get there. it really blows. i'll try not to rant today, though. i have been keeping myself placated through ebay and amazon. i've bought a few books and random things through ebay like buttons and beads, wool fibers, and felt. i have serious plans to take over the world with this stuff! last night i could hardly sleep with all the ideas running through my head. i really really wish that i could record my thoughts. i have ideas forever. i have so much information and ideas in my head there's no room for anything else. i am running out of space up there. what's really fucked up is if i try to write them down i begin to forget. it's like once they travel from brain to mouth or brain to hand the ideas begin to decompose. also, johnny and i stayed up half the night talking so we didn't get much sleep. i have another interview today which i'm not really looking forward to. back to johnny - he's really starting to get me now. it's awesome. i believe he has attained the position of the only person in this world who knows me better than anyone. sorry, kim. but you're a very close second, dewd. even better, he is speaking his mind about more things. i don't know if he was worried about hurting my feelings or scared of starting a fight but he found the balls somewhere to have a serious conversation about who i am, what we are. i'm quite proud - and glad that he feels comfortable enough now to do that (finally!) i guess i have to return the favor - but here's where him and i differ. i guess he thinks that knowing every detail of someone's past constitutes as "knowing" them. i typically forget about the past. i wish it could be erased from my head. i don't like to talk about it and i don't think its very relevant. i have no desire to know every detail of his past, either. i think he wants to share it with me, though. i think the future is so much more important. but maybe you have to know the past to see the future, i don't know. if that's the case i am going to be seriously depressed. but i'm going to concentrate on the present and future. it seems much more worthwhile. what i love most about johnny is his incredible patience. it's truly unbelievable how much shit he puts up with from me - and i know everybody likes to think i dish out evil bitchiness to him but it's not always that. i test him in so many ways and it's stuff that would probably piss off or annoy most people but his incredible sense of humor and kindness just swallow up whatever i throw at him. it's really hard to find that in a person. i haven't seen it anywhere else. if you know johnny, you probably have seen that about him. humor and patience is priceless. i need as much of it as i can get. in return, i have to figure out what johnny loves about me and make sure i deliver on that. i can't imagine it's the "name that smell" game i like to play at random moments. i can't imagine he likes being bossed around by general om. maybe i make him laugh cause i am so hopelessly nuts. whatever it is, i hope it doesn't go away. ok, now i have to go to my stupid interview.

justified ancients of mu mu

i was watching videos on mtv.com while i sorted through the markers i bought off ebay and on a whim decided to do a search on one of my favorite childhood bands - the KLF. to my surprise, they actually had their music videos! for the first time, i watched a klf video. no wonder i had such a strange childhood - watch this: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?artist=375&vid=59506

around the same time i was wearing out the tape on my klf cassette, i was reading stephen king's gunslinger series, in which a sociopathic uni-rail bullet train named blaine killed people who couldn't answer his riddles. coincidentally, klf had a song called "last train to transcentral". i was a weird kid.

on a side note (you would think this would be major breaking news, but no...) i finally got a new job - uhm, tentatively. i have to show them some more of my work but everything in the interview i had yesterday went beautifully. so hopefully i will be employed once again soon.

to perm or not to perm....

that is the question. my history of perms is not all that great. my first perm was the last semester of my senior year of high school and was disastrous. my mom thought it would be a good idea and took me to a korean hair salon – first mistake. the lady gave me a perm so tight and curly my hair went from about 30 inches long to about 6 inches. I was hysterical. my boyfriend at the time was speechless. he literally sat there and could not say a word. thankfully, the perm fell out a little bit and it actually looked decent for my graduation. unfortunately I had to deal with perm fallout for the next 10 years. it looked so bad coming out I swore never to get another perm again – but it’s a vicious cycle. once you start perming, it’s for life.
I have naturally curly hair. when it’s humid out, my hair actually forms ringlets on its own. but the ringlets get crowded out by the frizz. there are days that i have tina turner hair, and they are more often than not. NO AMOUNT OF FRIZZ EASE can tame this mane. I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. I want manageable hair. I don’t want it to be frizzy anymore. here’s the problem, though: what type of perm should I get? I definitely do not want to go curly again. I liked the zig-zag wavy style that claire danes had in the movie igby goes down, but it’s hard to achieve that look in a perm and I see myself getting tired of it. plus, that’s kind of what I already have now. I don’t really want bone straight either cause I have a very big round head and flat hair will only make it look worse. plus, straight perms give you NO flexibility with hairstyles, either. it will always just be flat. so, I just ruled out straight perm and curly perms. what else is there???
I want my hair to be halfway between straight and wavy. maybe like really big loose sort of wavy hair. is it possible? I had a perm consultation last week and spoke to a lady about the french fry hair perm – like claire danes. she said she could do it. I had an appointment the following week but I chickened out. well, I also had the flu but I didn’t reschedule so now I have no hair appointment.
I guess I’m just scared. I don’t wanna mess up my already damaged hair any further. but I don’t wanna look like a crazy hag either. I guess you can’t really get any worse – wait yes you can. you could have a bad perm AND hair damage beyond repair. crap.