it seems as though louie's swimming lessons have come to an abrupt halt. yesterday he was swimmin like the little engine that could and today he chickened out. this time i had the sense to bring a camera.
some of you may be thinking wow! heather hasn't posted in a week! well, i think i was becoming a blogoholic so i had to taper it down a bit. i guess there are people out there who think that over-blogging is tasteless and leads to nothing but shallow thoughts. perhaps this is true. perhaps those people are just another type of judgemental hypocrite. who knows? anyways, on to the topic at hand. today we met potentially cool neighbors. this is groundbreaking news, people. johnny and i live in a great neighborhood but the only people we've met so far are really old and crabby or just plain rude and stuck-up. all too often its both. so perhaps this was just some good karma returning to us for laboriously cleaning out our trailerpark-like carport but whatever it is this little spark of hope.....this teeny tiny glimmer of hope.....has led me to a mini-quandary. johnny and i left the back fence gate wide open while we were putting john's crap in the shed and totally forgot about it. later, when we came inside the house, i let the dogs out to pee and johnny and i relaxed on the couch and watched some mythbusters. about halfway through the show, i get a phone call on my cell which johnny answers. all i heard him say is WHAT?!? which immediately gave me a heart attack and i jumped up thinking someone had died (men don't seem to realize doing that causes hysteria in women). it turns out our neighbors about 3 houses up the street had called the number on syrus's tags and told us they had our dogs. instantly i remembered the gate was left open and johnny and i began to freak out. i ran outside calling their names and louie came running out of nowhere. we all got in the car and drove (we didn't know they were only 3 houses down) up the street. we knocked on their door and a young couple answered, holding their own brindle mix (pit mix, possibly). syrus and bibi immediately came out to us and we thanked our neighbors profusely for holding our dogs. we were very very grateful. the guy then intorduced himself to us as victor, and his (wife?) introduced herself as sonya. sonya was asian. victor white. they looked like a prettier version of me and johnny. i was so happy to meet them and about the dogs, i just wanted to hug them and become best friends immediately. they seemed like a happy laid back couple. i think we would get along with them great provided they aren't crazy christians. in any case, i began thinking of ways we can show our gratitude as soon as we left their house. this is the problem. what should i do? a simple thank you note will simply not suffice. who gives a shit about notes these days, i mean really? i want to give them something truly heartfelt and something they would like without thinking i was some kind of stalker. so i am thinking about giving them a jar of homemade fig jam that my dad makes. is that too much? too corny? i also thought about making a little basket for them with cheese and crackers but then that seemed over the top. i'm such a nerd - i meet people i like and i'm like love-struck. i should just go over there with a sign around my neck that says "please be my friend?" and give them a puppy dog face. all i want is ONE. one neighbor to be friends with. one neighbor that i hang out with like i did in savannah. have i grown out of that? have i gotten weird or something? how come we don't have any friends in our neighborhood? i hate the fact that i live next to an ornary 90 year old woman who sounds like glen burns and has nothing better to do than spy on people and then on my other side i have MY FREAKING PARENTS! tragedy. well, at least we have a good excuse to move, right? in the meantime i would really really like to make friends with victor and sonya.
i also have to mention another big breakthrough happened today - louie finally learned to swim. it was hilarious and sad at the same time. we took the dogs to lake erin (right by our house) and found a quiet secluded spot to let our dogs play off leash. bibi goes straight in the water and louie will wade in but never go in past his shoulders. this time however, i brought louie's kryptonite - the chuckit. he didn't even think twice - as soon as i threw the ball in the lake, louie plunged in the deep end. he had no choice but to swim - that retard! well, he learned instantly to kick his hind legs and paddle with his front. johnny and i watched with curious fascination as louie practically drowned in front of us. he was scrambling to keep his head above water - kicking and paddling furiously like he was trying to run up out of the water. his head bobbed dangerously low several times as he splashed around like a elephant. i seriously thought one of us was going to have to jump in the lake and save louie but he miraculously made it to shore - a new dog. after that, he was a swimmin' machine. by the 5th or 6th throw, he actually outswam bibi and got the ball. bibi was less than thrilled. i was so proud of louie. i watched him grow today. then we met a very interesting little boy who apparated somehow right behind us. he was wearing a white tshirt that had a lifeguard emblem on it and wore glasses that made his blue eyes look bigger. he threw the ball a few times for the dogs and told us that he liked dogs. then he asked what kind of dogs they were. I always hesitate to answer this cause we get different reactions and i didn't want to scare the boy - but something about him made me think he was a smart kid. i told him that two of them were pit bulls and one is a pointer mix. immediately he asked "pit bulls are the dogs michael vick fought?" i was amazed this little boy knew about that - he seemed like he was all of 5 years old. i said yes - vick is not a very nice person and he fought pit bulls like these. it didn't phase him, he continued to play while his mother nervously hovered several yards back with her dog. she obviously wanted to move on but let her kid talk to us. i asked him his name and his age, he replied (very politely) that his name is brian and he is 9. i thought he looked younger than that and realized this kid is a runt. he's small, thin, wears glasses, had braces, the whole nerd look completely. but he was so damn cute! like the little boy in jerry mcguire but not nearly as contrived. i told him he was a smart boy and he agreed. so cute! i hope he doesn't get tortured his whole life by bullies but he looked like a schoolyard bully's perfect target. i shall send extra good karma his way everytime i remember that kid.
all in all, it was a very nice day. we finally went garage sale shopping and bought some antique dresser and armoire, sewing machine, and some prints. tomorrow i will be throwing clay and johnny will be refinishing furniture.
usually cleaning makes me feel happy and productive. today it's just pissin me off. i need to just chill out for a bit. i think i am going to get a pair of glasses. i wear contact but my face is so bland. my glasses are too thick to wear all the time, plus i get the fishbowl effect and my eyes look like beads. i think i am going to get just frames with no prescription. is that stupid? i wanna look smart. i also have an invention idea for exercising. it's pretty good. i gotta figure out how to make it though. i also made two decisions regarding employment. i want to be a teacher, so i am going to see if i can get a teaching job. OR i could get a job that requires being more active. i just haven't really figured out what kind of job lets me be active without working my ass to death. now, keep in mind i only say that because i am trying to get rid of my asthma, not make it worse AND i still have issues walking with my left foot getting swollen and sore. any ideas?
i also had a little OCD episode flare-up. i actually get angry when i organize things and then have to re-organize it again a short time later. i also get angry when people take things without asking - or even just letting me know so i don't waste a bunch of time looking for it. i also hate that my stepbrother won't clean the basement at all. i don't like him bringin his drunk buddies over either. i must be pmsing....i hate it when i get angry and the dogs get scared. i also hate cleaning toilets. i hate the smell of bleach. i hate that i have to clean up big nests of my hair that collect in the drain. (not anymore now with my perm though!) ok done ranting.
"to abrogate suffering is not a panacea for happiness."
-Heather Om, unemployed nobody
(i just tried to make a sentence using two "words of the day" at dictionary.com)
i'm a little miffed. btw, one of the main reasons i get depressed is when people let me down. especially people i know and are close tome. but i also get sad when total strangers act like assholes for no reason. it's amazing how people can treat other people sometimes. this is teeny little example, so it's not really a big deal but i have seen it happen on a much larger scale. anyways, this morning i attempted to exercise. of course, it is never that easy. i wanted to ride my bike but the tires are flat so i went looking for the tire pump in my dad's garage - which after 30 mins. of digging through old dusty dirty buggy crap i couldn't find anything capable of inflation. defeated, i went back home and got bibi on a leash to take her for a walk. i didn't even reach the end of the driveway before i met an ugly neighbor. some lady was walking her samoyed - big fluffy white dog - and her dog was whining and howling cause she wanted to meet bibi. so the lady waited at the end of the driveway while i finished putting bibi on her leash (she can slip her head out so i had to tighten the collar a bit). i walked up to the lady with bibi and she asked me if bibi was friendly. i said she was friendly - and the lady said her dog likes other white dogs, and i said i think bibi likes other white dogs, too. meanwhile, bibi and her dog are sniffing each other. well, i think the lady's dog was trying to do a dominance stance because she stacked up her shoulders and kind of looked down on bibi with an arched neck (i know this cause i see louie do it all the time - taller dogs like to "look down" on other dogs). well, bibi don't take that shit (i'll pounce on you like chiggers, ho!) and she curled up her lip a little and snapped her teeth. immediately i said, bibi no - no snapping! and she was fine. as soon as i stood back up (i had bent down a little) the lady was already halfway down the block. she didn't say a thing - just walked away. i just stood there for a minute wondering what just happened. then i realized the woman just dissed me. i couldn't believe it. i go to the dog park all the time and have never had a problem with my dogs fighting. sometimes they get into brawls when another dog is trying to dominate them - but not always. bibi is very mellow but she does not like to be dominated, not by strange dogs. she will curl her lips and show her teeth as a warning. but that lady booked it. i could understand if she was worried about her 80 lb dog's safety but she could have said something. like maybe - oh maybe our dogs don't like each other as well as we thought and just backed away (i pulled bibi close to me so she can't lunge). instead, she probably thought - oh that's a pit bull - they can't be trusted - their owners are so irresponsible - those are such vicious dogs! grrr. i hate it when people choose to be ignorant. it's not like every dog gets along with each other. breed has nothing to do with it. i could have had a chihuahua out there who didn't like her samoyed and it would have been the same thing. i really don't like my neighbors. we haven't met a single one that was nice yet.
i love having my digital camera back. even tho it sucks. well, i thought i would post some pics of me with my new straight hair. some of these came out pretty good, which is very rare. to level the field, i will post some of the bad ones, too.
pretty, huh? well, here's a "before" shot fer ya...
ok, and now this is just me being stupid.
some of the stuff that's been going on lately has my wheels turning. i seriously don't have time to work at some stupid firm. i have plenty going on without a 9-5! I still need to get me a job, though. I think my next job will only be long enough to finish my idp and get licensed, though. then i'm quitting the corporate rat race forever. i have had so many ideas and plans in my head just screaming to get out, i think i'll go crazy if i don't do something about it. i think some of my long-time friends might remember how many plans and ideas i have. i am always so inspired - you can tell when i am depressed if i don't have plans and inspirations to do stuff. a lot of my ideas stem off of my mom's ideas. she has a non-profit organization called the forsythia house which helps battered women establish self-sufficiency. she is also building a hotel in a very run-down part of downtown atlanta that we met with a contractor about today. there's a million things going through our heads it's crazy. when my mom and i spend a day together we brainstorm the entire time. we also butt heads on some things because my mom is a little more ruthless than i am. she utlimately sees dollar signs in everything she does. but i seem to have inherited that entreprenuership spirit from her anyways.
during lunch today, though - i almost got mad with her because after all this time she still has this need to control my life. it's like i HAVE to get licensed. yes, i agree. i am going to. but not because she says i HAVE to. that pisses me off. she makes it seem like a non-option - just like everything else she wants me to do. which only adds pressure to me. i try to tell her about how working for a corporate firm SUCKS ASS because they treat you like toilet paper, but that doesn't phase her. she is all about SUCCESS - and i am too. but on my own terms. i can play the game, but i wont become it. unlike her - i have a personal code of ethics. well, actually she has her own code of ethics but it's about honesty mostly. mine is about integrity. honesty is just a piece of it. if i don't agree with a policy why should i have to mold my life around it? did you know in most other civilized nations women are given 6 months of PAID maternity leave? America has the worst policy. why should women have to chose between family and career? i can't even get into this arguement now cause it angers me so much but suffice to say that one day i might just have my own architecture firm with nothing but FEMALE PRINCIPALS that can boast the BEST policies for their employees. Why have a dozen employees breeze through the office every year when you can have a dozen really good and committed employees that stick around? this is all i have to say to corporate workers - why the fuck should you work in those conditions to make someone else rich?? always have a goal in mind - SEE your future and live with intentions. don't become a mindless coffee guzzling brown-nosing nobody. you have to TAKE your success. my mom's favorite saying is - even if you sell hot dogs on the street, be your own boss.
oh and i finally got that perm. i went with a straight perm - sat in a chair for four hours while they soaked me in chemicals. i now have straight hair! no more crazy afro-woman hair. i like it. i'll probably get tired of it, but it will do for now.
can ya tell we love our dogs? it's sickening, isn't it? well, of all people my mother (who doesn't really like animals) will feed syrus food from her mouth. that's how cute and endearing our puppies are. yes, they can be a pain in the ass when people first come over - syrus will cry he's so happy to see you and bibi will do her happy barrroooo! and louie wil just jump up and down like a dumbass. they have been so spoiled and happy lately because mommy has been home. all they do is sleep, sleep, sleep.
check out the leg propping going on. don't worry about syrus - he has the entire bed to himself....
speaking of beds, ours broke. it's a crappy malm bed from ikea and well, i guess johnny and i were pushin the weight limit on it anyways - but even still it was a crappy bed from the start. now we have to get a new one because this morning johnny's alarm went off at at the same exact time the bed collapsed. btw, this is the second bed that we have collapsed. the first one was a sofa bed at dry pond that was old and i don't think we set it up right but all we know is in the middle of the night there was a loud boom! and we got folded in half.
I forgot to mention that sunday morning the dogs got out of the house. sorry to interrupt this post, but my mom just totally busted me. i didn't tell her about getting fired yet and she just pulled up to my house. so now she knows. instead of getting mad, though she seems OK about it. she wants me to go goodwill shopping with her, so I'm gonna go do that and will continue this post later.
ok back now and had a full day. went to goodwill with mom - turns out tuesday is senior discount day and also her favorite day to shop. and she loves having to prove she's a senior. i got a few odd things for the house - a birdhouse, small wine rack, small heart shaped footstool, and picnic basket. then we had lunch at the indonesian hole-in-the-wall. then she remembered she had a meeting with her broker about listing six flags shopping center for sale (duh! how could you forget that?) so we went to that but had an hour to kill so we got matching french pedi-mani's. it's funny to see my mom in a meeting - i'm used to marathon meetings about spandrel glass, pipes and ventilation but she couldn't sit through her little 1.5 hour meeting about selling her property without squirming. she practically ran out of there then we went to west end so i could take pictures of this cafe she wants to put in. she really likes the fact that i am not working cause she has about a million things for me to do. which is fine. she wants me to go with her to d.c. this weekend but i want to go camping with johnny. then we had pizza at the loop and now johnny and i are at home chillin. i love johnny - he's such a good guy. he's so much happier now that he likes his job. he's going to fix the bed with telephone books again. pretty soon we are going to have a phone book bed. maybe we can sell it on ebay! ok, enough rambling for now. i wonder if anyone (besides vanessa) even reads this shit!
well, i started the site for my thesis. if you care to follow it's progress, here is a link:
http://marslabitat.blogspot.com/
if you haven't noticed by now, i come up with about a million ideas a day. some of them pan out, most of them don't. i guess i'm just still trying to figure myself out. anyways, while laying on the table with about a dozen needles sticking out of me everywhere, i decided that i really do want to finish my thesis. what do i mean by "finish my thesis"? well, i never considered my masters thesis to be finished - even though i graduated. i thought about my project for three years, then when the time finally came to make it a reality i got performance anxiety. that coupled with a not-so-great thesis prfessor and my project, which could have been spectacular, flopped. trust me, the enthusiasm was there but my professor managed to trip me every step of the way. he insisted that i come up with a concept "visual" and so the most natural concept for my project was a livign organism i started to explain how my project was like a tree. well, that wasn't "artsy" or "smart" enough for him so i wasted about 3 weeks trying to come up with a concept visual that he liked instead of focusing on my project. i ended up doing some stupid pastel drawing just to get him off my back about it.
fast forward and let's just say i was less than satisfied with how my project went. i needed more time - something i didn't have. so i just threw everything together and hoped it was enough. it was - but not for me.
there was also the controversy (here we go again with my masochistic need for controversy) about the plausibility and validity of my project which not only pissed me off but added insult to injury. i mean, this was our thesis! we can do whatever we want! and here i was being discouraged by of all people - my thesis professor AND advisor! they both told me to reconsider my project! well, fuck them. i know why they wanted me to reconsider. i'm sure they thought i just wasn't smart enough. bastards. well, i'll be the first to admit that i am not smart enough. i mean, you would literally have to be a rocket scientist to make the project work and i was just an architecture student!
ok, so if you don't know what my thesis project was you're wondering wtf is she talking about? my thesis project was called THE MARS RESEARCH LAB + HABITAT (MRLH for short). it was my baby. I dreamed about it for years. I don't know much about physics, astronomy, spaceflight, or anything that scientific or mathematical. all i know is that i loved to dream up designs for space architecture. and i'm not even nearly smart enough to do that...below is an aerial shot of my model...
despite the negativity i recieved about my project, i decided to continue. i had awesome friends who were in fibers, film, and other majors that were all excited about my project. everyone in studio however, stuck their noses up at me. i'm used to that so i didn't care. i knew what they were all thinking.
well, anyways - freshly inspired by some more info and blogs (1000 days at sea, for example) i decided i really want to continue working on my thesis. i won't be getting any grades or recognition - its just for personal satisfaction. i noticed that i still design survival habitats and bunkers when nobody's looking. maybe it's another obsession. in any case, i will quietly do my research and re-write my book. i won't make any new models (maybe way later) but i might do some new drawings. below is a close-up view of the side with the dome on.....
so i'm thinking i might make a new blog dedicated soley to the MRLH. i don't know yet, it's going to take up a lot of my time.
.....i could probably live without it. yes, it is helping. but no, i don't particularly enjoy being stuck with tiny little needles everyday.
here's what happens when you have too much extra time and your OCD kicks in full force...
vanessa i can be your first victim...i mean patient....haha..
and i just have to add this cute picture of goofy louie - who MUST check in on what mama is doing at the computer every few minutes or so.....
he just sticks his nose in the hole between my arm and my boob....sniffs a bit then runs off.
today is gonna be a slow day for me. yesterday was pretty busy - i was actually running late to my appointments! I spent the morning reworking my resume and making a quick mini-portfolio and emailed them out to a firm that I want to work for. then i had acupuncture - i was late so i had to lay on the table in his office versus his patient room. i did not like this session, it seemed to hurt a little more and i didn't even realize it but i was bleeding in one place. he put needles all along my back. i was a little sore. then i went to pottery class, which was dependably soothing. i made three little pots, just to warm up. i am going to trim them this weekend. i got home almost 10pm. this morning my back is still a bit sore, but i started to super-clean and organize the kitchen - something that needed to be done despertely. in the middle of that, i heard my cell phone ring so i ran upstairs to answer and it was the firm that i had sent my resume to. i was trying not to huff and puff, but i spoke to the human resources lady and she wants to schedule an interview between me and a principal of the firm. she says she will call me back sometime later. i'm glad they called me back, and i really like what i've read about them. hopefully they won't turn out to be like my previous place of employment. i'd like to be able to say i like who i am working for, and i truly enjoy my job. hopefully things will work out with them. crossing my fingers....
in the meantime, i am shamelessly enjoying my time off. i feel like i should be guilty about it but i am not. man, sometimes i really wish i could just be a housewife! having time is such a luxury - better than money! i hope johnny either wins the lottery or gets some kind of lucrative business deal - or maybe someone offer me million dollars to have their way with him for one night - so i can be a stay-at-home housewife! lol, my mother would be so dissapointed if she heard me saying this.
Oh well, i know i am going to have to re-join the corporate world soon so i guess i should enjoy it while i can. i am going to make the best of this time to just get as much of my life in order as possible.
oh i forgot to mention - while om-ma was over the other night cooking, i told her about mobile homesteading. i saw an opportunity and snuck it in! she thinks its an awesome idea! haha...any other circumstance and she would think i was crazy but i was so crafty about introducing the topic, she went with it. damn i'm good. i doubt we'll ever make one, but at least she is informed and in agreement.
johnny had his first acupuncture today for his leg. he did good. i couldn't help but laugh though when my uncle told him he needed to put some needles in his butt. it hurts to laugh when you got needles in your face. i couldn't see what was going on either - it killed me. we were joking about it earlier because my uncle has posters of meridians all over the walls and one of the diagrams was a taint! there's a acupuncture point on the taint!! (taint - t'aint quite the asshole, t'aint quite the balls) anyways, sure enough when i got the needles removed i turned around to look at johnny and he was laying face down with his pants pulled halfway down his butt. what a sight! i can't stop laughing...
today was a good day. i was up at 7am, got on the puter and did a bunch of stuff. finally found out who sings that song i always hear on the radio, and decided which firm i want to work for next. it's controversial, but fuck it - i might as well learn to love controversy. i did however, find out that i wasn't the only one who got the ax - so did about 10 other people on the same day. i feel bad and better at the same time. anyways, i went and got another acupuncture session from my uncle and feel asleep on the table and began to snore so loud i woke myself up. i was listening to npr and almost had to laugh when they mentioned a project that i used to work on. after that, i met up with om-ma at the farmer's market and cooked all night long some really good homemade korean food. food for the soul that won't kill you like fried chicken will. it's now 11pm and i can honestly say i had a great day. tomorrow might not be as good because now i have to step up my game seeing as i have more competition than i thought.
oh, i almost forgot - i made a blogsite for the idea that johnny and i have for our t-shirt business. we decided to call it green-tee's and the site can be seen here: http://greentshirts.blogspot.com/
we will hopefully have some products to sell on there soon! I designed the page and "t" logo using photoshop. i am still playing around with it, but leave a comment on there and let me know what you think!
well, i saw it coming...
which actually was a good thing because to my own surprise, i was not shocked when it happened. which meant i was not emotional, and handled myself pretty well. despite the situation, i am pretty damn proud of myself.
but the situation is that i got fired. and that sucks, no matter how well you take it. first question i know that everyone will ask me is WHY? well, that's a good question. i asked the principal of my firm WHY? and he could not give me a solid reason. he just said "you are not meeting our needs" and would not elaborate a single word beyond that. i would have to say, if my firm wasn't in architecture they sure as heck could be a law firm because that statement is almost flawlessly circumventing. either that means i wasn't working hard enough, or didn't fit the "model" of a good cadmonkey, or somehow i was too stupid to do the work they gave me. not entirely sure which one it is. in any case, my immediate reaction was a weird sense of relief. i almost laughed at my supervisor who was sitting very uncomfortably in his chair next to me. he could hardly look me in the face. i almost wanted to pat HIM on the shoulder and say, "it's gonna be alright..." but clearly they were not expecting my reaction because it was almost like they were waiting for me to yell, scream, cry or just plain act out. i didn't. i listened, then asked if he could explain to me better why i was being terminated. after he skirted around that, i simply said, "OK - well, i appreciate the opportunity you gave me to work here, i learned a lot and thank you". and that was it. i packed up my stuff, returned my keys and left quietly.
yuko is probably going to be way more shocked than i was. lol.
i saw it coming ever since i started working there. it was almost like i knew i was making a mistake from the very first day. i am not a corporate employee. i have never in my life ever envisioned myself going to work in a big building, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. i struggled through school knowing that one day i would be faced with doing exactly that and it was tough to keep going - but i did. in my interview i even admitted that i was really looking for a job with a smaller firm. but i for some reason like to learn my lessons the hard way. and i see it as exactly that - a lesson. i am relieved because i spent every day at work wondering when, why, and how they would be firing me. it seems like people get fired left and right from there, so i knew my time was limited. it sucks to be paranoid of that everyday. i enjoyed working with some of the people there, though. even the asshole who shall remain nameless but there are those of you who know who i speak of. So, i'm not really upset. if anything i am a bit worried about not finding another job in time to pay my bills, but i know that won't happen. i would work at mcdonald's before i let my house go. now i feel like i have been liberated and now have a new choice to make - which to me is exciting. unfortunately i don't know how johnny is going to react cause he is still at work and doesn't know.
lol, my life will never be boring - i can at least be thankful for that!
despite my shitty weekend so far and my total lack of sleep, i did some research this morning about my health and not surprisingly found that many of my ailments are interconnected. In summation, i am a sickly person and doomed to be that way unless some drastic changes occur. first of all, asthma isn't doing me any favors. i always tried to kind of downplay it - i hate using my inhalor in front of people, i hate the taste of it and basically i just hate everything about asthma. it has essentially ruined my life. i wished that my stepdad's side of the family has never forced me to take that inhalor when i had my first asthma attack. secondly, the side effects of using inhalors is slowly killing me and i am positive it will play a major role in my death. it makes me want to scream whenever i see ads on tv promoting all these new inhalors like it's a miracle cure. it's a fucking lie!! everytime i have ever been sick, i have been able to trace it to the use of inhaled steriods. and every year i get sicker and sicker. the use of inhlaors cause everything from the common cold:
People more likely to get colds include:
Children and those over 65
Children who have parents who smoke
Children who attend day care
Smokers and those exposed to second hand smoke
Those exposed to industrial smoke, toxic fumes, or other air pollutants
People with immune system disorders, like HIV, AIDS, or cancer, or compromised immune function, like those taking steroids for a long time
People under a fair amount of stress
to scarier stuff like:
Also, when given in very large doses (many puffs from a high-concentration steroid inhaler), the amount of steroid medicine that spills over into the bloodstream can become significant. Although the effect is small, like a very small dose of prednisone, over the years this small effect can potentially add up to serious harmful effects. High doses of inhaled steroids taken for a long time can probably predispose to cataracts, glaucoma, and thinning of the skin and bones.
Do ya think it might have had something to do with breaking my ankle? I HATE DOCTORS those assholes tell me, SCOLD ME to take my inhalors and never once mentioned any of the potential side effects. How the hell else do you explain me getting the following illness/injuries within a span of 7 months??
ankle break (bad enough to have metal implants!)
Skin infections lasting several months
vision loss, blurriness
having to go to a chiropractor because my whole bone structure hurts
blood pressure scares, diabetes scares, serious diarhhea
the FLU AND the COLD within a week of each other!
Never trust doctors, they don't know shit - just what pharmaceutical companies tell them. For the love of your child, NEVER ever put them on any kind of steriod for long term use. My parents didn't know what we know today so you would be utterly retarded to knowingly put your child on these kinds of medicines unless it was a case of life or death. I know that my asthma could have been controlled and probably gone by now, but the continued use of inhalors made my body addicted to it.
Inhaled corticosteroids are increasingly being used for the first line management of asthma. Adverse effects such as adrenal suppression and osteoporosis are well documented. Less well recognised adverse effects include glaucoma, skin fragility, acne vulgaris and hirsutism. Be aware of the cumulative effect if co-prescribing various dose forms of corticosteroids such as inhaled, intranasal, oral and topical preparations. The lowest dose necessary to achieve optimal disease control should always be prescribed. Consider monitoring intraocular pressure if prescribing >1500µg/day inhaled beclomethasone (or equivalent).
http://www.medsafe.govt.nz/Profs/PUarticles/2.htm
WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I mean seriously, you hear those ads on tv for people with penile erection disorder and the side effects are like 10 times worse than the affliction in the first place, WTF? why would anybody do that??? I am so mad, I don't know whether to cry or scream. I can't even swear off using my inhalors anymore because if I do end up having an attack my life depends on it. So i'm screwed either way. I do know that the next time any doctor ever tells me i need to be taking my inhalor twice a day no matter what, i am going to raise hell all the way out of the building so that everyone can hear.
ok i have to go see my uncle for some acupuncture or something so i'll continue my rant later...
well, it's almost bedtime and after some acupuncture i feel a little better...still have a cold though. tomorrow morning i have to take poor bibi to the doctor for surgery..but i can't even talk about that i get so upset. i have two more acupuncture sessions then my uncle is going to make some chinese medicine concoction for me. acupuncture wasn't so bad, i was kind of nervous about it but it's not nearly as bad as getting a shot. i love jack johnson, banana pancakes and constellations make me feel so much better...anyways the acupuncture barely felt like a little prick. less than a mosquito bite, in most cases. there were a couple spots where it stung a bit but it wasn't painful at all. your whole body just goes still, like your limbs are heavier. it was kind of relaxing, if i wasn't so obsessed thinking about the needles sticking out of me everywhere. so, my uncle agrees that the asthma is the underlying cause for most of my ailments, and inhaled steriods are the enemy. i'm going to quit taking my inhalor unless i am having a full-blown attack where it's life or death. that's gonna be hard because it sucks to not be able to breathe. but i am going to take natural remedies and hopefully it will help me breathe better. pollution is my number one concern because i work in the city and it is very polluted here in atlanta. once i get some control of my breathing and detox my system a bit i can try to exercise to lose some weight. all of this is going to require a lot of determination and i hate that. i am actually really lazy. i don't want to have to work 10 times harder just to be healthy. but i guess i have no choice.
i'm beginning to really dislike the weekends. it seems like bad things always happen on the weekend. ususally it's an injury or illness. i broke my ankle on a saturday. i always seem to get sick on saturdays. i think i hate saturday. i used to LOVE saturdays! bibi has to have another surgery, which has upset me greatly today. then my toe (which i stubbed on a shopping cart wheel) is hurting really bad and oozing and i think the nail is going to come off. on top of that, i have a cold. basically today sucked big big time. i can;t even really talk about it cause it sucked so bad. the only nice thing to happen today was hangin out with some friends for once in a long while. thats it.
tomorrow looks a little more promising. not a very good weekend in general, though. i could just be pmsing...
with a ferociousness that only my two nieces Gianna and Rena can relate to, i want to just suck the sweet furry lips off of bibi when she sleeps like this.
one day i would really like to just live on a farm, raise animals, and grow my own food. why can't i? why do i have to do the same shit everyday, being as happy as i can be but knowing deep inside that i just don't wanna be here? i want to be outdoors everyday, play with animals, work hard and see the fruits of my labor, enjoy fresh air and actually see stars at night. why did i have to go through all those years of college a.k.a. hell to come to this conclusion? actually, i kind of wanted to live on a farm, even a commune, since i can remember. but i still went to college. i don't really regret it cause havin a masters degree is nice - but it sure seems like i had to go around my elbow to get to my you-know-what. sometimes when i think about it, it seems like way too much work just to get started. it seems like it's impossible to just turn your life over like that - but i should know probably better than anybody that it's not that difficult to turn your life over, and i know once i have my mind set on something i usually succeed at it. there's also the issue of location. i don't really want to be a farmer in georgia. it's just too damn hot here. if i'm gonna go hippie, i wanna live somewhere that you can tell the season is changing. someplace naturally just awesomly beautiful. but i really kind of love georgia, it's almost like home. i also have a lot of family and my house is here. oh yea, and that thing called my career. i'm so conflicted. you would think that graduating and getting a job is the be-all and end-all to the major decisions in life but they so aren't. having a degree in architecture is not really going to help me milk a cow and make my own cheese or figure out how to grow anything that bears fruit. i honestly (and this is blasphemy here) don't give a shit about buildings anymore. they all look the same - glass, concrete, steel. throw in a colonial detail here and there - mix up some crown moulding with that polished concrete and voila! you have a typical atlanta condo. it's quite disgusting. and this whole green movement thing kinda irks me too although i can't really explain why. i'm so for it, in fact before i even took studio classes i was reading primers on sustainability, eco-tech, etc. but it seems like it's just another veil. no developer really cares about the environment. sure, they want a pat on the back for building "green" but really it's all just another way of doing business as usual - but this time people kiss your ass too. i guess i really held sustainable building in such high regard that it feels tainted and contrived now that its a buzzword. ok, well i guess i'm gonna quit bitchin' now. maybe 10 years from now when i'm still a mid-level associate at some big firm that pays me only 75% of what my male counterparts make, i'll look back and read this blog post and decide to just f'n do it.
that is the question. my history of perms is not all that great. my first perm was the last semester of my senior year of high school and was disastrous. my mom thought it would be a good idea and took me to a korean hair salon – first mistake. the lady gave me a perm so tight and curly my hair went from about 30 inches long to about 6 inches. I was hysterical. my boyfriend at the time was speechless. he literally sat there and could not say a word. thankfully, the perm fell out a little bit and it actually looked decent for my graduation. unfortunately I had to deal with perm fallout for the next 10 years. it looked so bad coming out I swore never to get another perm again – but it’s a vicious cycle. once you start perming, it’s for life.
I have naturally curly hair. when it’s humid out, my hair actually forms ringlets on its own. but the ringlets get crowded out by the frizz. there are days that i have tina turner hair, and they are more often than not. NO AMOUNT OF FRIZZ EASE can tame this mane. I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. I want manageable hair. I don’t want it to be frizzy anymore. here’s the problem, though: what type of perm should I get? I definitely do not want to go curly again. I liked the zig-zag wavy style that claire danes had in the movie igby goes down, but it’s hard to achieve that look in a perm and I see myself getting tired of it. plus, that’s kind of what I already have now. I don’t really want bone straight either cause I have a very big round head and flat hair will only make it look worse. plus, straight perms give you NO flexibility with hairstyles, either. it will always just be flat. so, I just ruled out straight perm and curly perms. what else is there???
I want my hair to be halfway between straight and wavy. maybe like really big loose sort of wavy hair. is it possible? I had a perm consultation last week and spoke to a lady about the french fry hair perm – like claire danes. she said she could do it. I had an appointment the following week but I chickened out. well, I also had the flu but I didn’t reschedule so now I have no hair appointment.
I guess I’m just scared. I don’t wanna mess up my already damaged hair any further. but I don’t wanna look like a crazy hag either. I guess you can’t really get any worse – wait yes you can. you could have a bad perm AND hair damage beyond repair. crap.
this has been a great weekend. yesterday sucked a bit but today we got so much done at the house, i feel soooo much better. we finished cleaning up the guest room and now we are doing the office. i finally got my craft table set up. the weather is just gorgeous outside - nice and cool all day. we went to a very authentic mexican restaurant and it was good. well, don't wanna waste too much time on here but thought i would comment on a lovely day.
ok i know its a little neurotic to post more than once a day and the weekend is still young but i just have to update here because i just got home from taking moto to the vet. Before that we went to dim sum at our favorite spot and on the way saw an accident on the freeway. first, we saw a dead dog laying in the middle lane, with collar and leash on and everything. then half mile ahead we saw three cars that hit each other by the hov lane. it was very sad. it looks like the dog either jumped out of the window or the back of the truck (stupid rednecks!). It was very disturbing to see so it left me kind of depressed for a while afterwards. we spent 3 hours at banfield and moto checked out pretty well, he didn't have any fleas, diseases, mites, or parasites. then we finally came home and now i am absorbed into my new hobby for the week - hemp braiding. i am making a practice piece out of blue and brown dyed hemp and it's turning out good and i am so proud of myself. i'm poing to post a pic....wow my camera sucks. i need to buy a new digital camera.....
I've wasted enough time on cuteoverload so from henceforth I shall not mention that website anymore. This is a long weekend - especially for me because I've been to work for ONE day in the past 8. I essentially took a vacation. But now I am going to have to make up those hours so this weekend I am going to get as much stuff done as possible because next week will be overtime week.
I've decided to rehabilitate poor Moto. He is such a sweet cat and it breaks my heart to see him look so wretched. He is already happier, I think. I got him some high-quality food, a new scratcher, litterbox (going to use enviro-friendly litter now), and some new toys. He must have been dehydrated because he drinks two full bowls of water everyday. Moto knows what it's like to fend for himself and now I think he will enjoy being a housecat again. He has been sleeping on his fuzzy blanket in the closet practically non-stop. I've been petting him and trying to play but he just wants to sleep, eat, and drink. He still gives me hugs, though. Today at 3pm he is going to Banfield. Yes, I know I hate Banfield sometimes but it's practical to spend $60 to get all vaccines, deworm, tests and exams rather than getting them seperately for twice as much. He will be fat and healthy by the end of the year.
Speaking of enviro-friendly, I have made a decision to phase out my non-enviro friendly products and switch over to the more organic stuff. I used to be all about that in college but just fell out of it. I remember not too long ago being totally against milk, deoderant, cleaning products, synthetics, etc. I am going to order all that stuff through the united foods catalog now that mom is going to open another herb store. I still can't find my favorite soap of all time - it haunts me still. The only person who MIGHT know which soap it is is Mira, but I don't think she really remembers every type of soap she sold at earth baby. It was the most exquisite lemongrass soap ever - with little bits of almond to exfoliate. If I ever find that soap again I am going to buy a lifetime supply on the spot. The only thing I remember is that it came in a brown paper wrapper and the soap was shaped in a perfect square, with ridges on the sides. Please, god help me find that soap.
Speaking of soap, I heard that Lush was coming to town. I don't know if I can handle it. I spent hours inside of Lush in Toronto, just drooling over soap.
I hate it when people drive around with their bass blasting. I want to run out and attack them.
Well, enough babble for now. One day I promise I'll write something worth reading. It's just too soon for me now - I'm shy. Just kidding - I really just don't have anything important to say at the moment.
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