one day i would really like to just live on a farm, raise animals, and grow my own food. why can't i? why do i have to do the same shit everyday, being as happy as i can be but knowing deep inside that i just don't wanna be here? i want to be outdoors everyday, play with animals, work hard and see the fruits of my labor, enjoy fresh air and actually see stars at night. why did i have to go through all those years of college a.k.a. hell to come to this conclusion? actually, i kind of wanted to live on a farm, even a commune, since i can remember. but i still went to college. i don't really regret it cause havin a masters degree is nice - but it sure seems like i had to go around my elbow to get to my you-know-what. sometimes when i think about it, it seems like way too much work just to get started. it seems like it's impossible to just turn your life over like that - but i should know probably better than anybody that it's not that difficult to turn your life over, and i know once i have my mind set on something i usually succeed at it. there's also the issue of location. i don't really want to be a farmer in georgia. it's just too damn hot here. if i'm gonna go hippie, i wanna live somewhere that you can tell the season is changing. someplace naturally just awesomly beautiful. but i really kind of love georgia, it's almost like home. i also have a lot of family and my house is here. oh yea, and that thing called my career. i'm so conflicted. you would think that graduating and getting a job is the be-all and end-all to the major decisions in life but they so aren't. having a degree in architecture is not really going to help me milk a cow and make my own cheese or figure out how to grow anything that bears fruit. i honestly (and this is blasphemy here) don't give a shit about buildings anymore. they all look the same - glass, concrete, steel. throw in a colonial detail here and there - mix up some crown moulding with that polished concrete and voila! you have a typical atlanta condo. it's quite disgusting. and this whole green movement thing kinda irks me too although i can't really explain why. i'm so for it, in fact before i even took studio classes i was reading primers on sustainability, eco-tech, etc. but it seems like it's just another veil. no developer really cares about the environment. sure, they want a pat on the back for building "green" but really it's all just another way of doing business as usual - but this time people kiss your ass too. i guess i really held sustainable building in such high regard that it feels tainted and contrived now that its a buzzword. ok, well i guess i'm gonna quit bitchin' now. maybe 10 years from now when i'm still a mid-level associate at some big firm that pays me only 75% of what my male counterparts make, i'll look back and read this blog post and decide to just f'n do it.