fired!

well, i saw it coming...
which actually was a good thing because to my own surprise, i was not shocked when it happened. which meant i was not emotional, and handled myself pretty well. despite the situation, i am pretty damn proud of myself.
but the situation is that i got fired. and that sucks, no matter how well you take it. first question i know that everyone will ask me is WHY? well, that's a good question. i asked the principal of my firm WHY? and he could not give me a solid reason. he just said "you are not meeting our needs" and would not elaborate a single word beyond that. i would have to say, if my firm wasn't in architecture they sure as heck could be a law firm because that statement is almost flawlessly circumventing. either that means i wasn't working hard enough, or didn't fit the "model" of a good cadmonkey, or somehow i was too stupid to do the work they gave me. not entirely sure which one it is. in any case, my immediate reaction was a weird sense of relief. i almost laughed at my supervisor who was sitting very uncomfortably in his chair next to me. he could hardly look me in the face. i almost wanted to pat HIM on the shoulder and say, "it's gonna be alright..." but clearly they were not expecting my reaction because it was almost like they were waiting for me to yell, scream, cry or just plain act out. i didn't. i listened, then asked if he could explain to me better why i was being terminated. after he skirted around that, i simply said, "OK - well, i appreciate the opportunity you gave me to work here, i learned a lot and thank you". and that was it. i packed up my stuff, returned my keys and left quietly.
yuko is probably going to be way more shocked than i was. lol.
i saw it coming ever since i started working there. it was almost like i knew i was making a mistake from the very first day. i am not a corporate employee. i have never in my life ever envisioned myself going to work in a big building, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. i struggled through school knowing that one day i would be faced with doing exactly that and it was tough to keep going - but i did. in my interview i even admitted that i was really looking for a job with a smaller firm. but i for some reason like to learn my lessons the hard way. and i see it as exactly that - a lesson. i am relieved because i spent every day at work wondering when, why, and how they would be firing me. it seems like people get fired left and right from there, so i knew my time was limited. it sucks to be paranoid of that everyday. i enjoyed working with some of the people there, though. even the asshole who shall remain nameless but there are those of you who know who i speak of. So, i'm not really upset. if anything i am a bit worried about not finding another job in time to pay my bills, but i know that won't happen. i would work at mcdonald's before i let my house go. now i feel like i have been liberated and now have a new choice to make - which to me is exciting. unfortunately i don't know how johnny is going to react cause he is still at work and doesn't know.
lol, my life will never be boring - i can at least be thankful for that!