making headway

i actually made something cute yesterday. i nearly went blind trying to thread my needles, but i managed to produce a new pincushion for myself seeing as louie ate my last one. i decided to make a faux sushi roll out of pre-made felt. it came out kind of cute if i do say so myself.

i've been on a mad crafting/farming/child development/education/ home business/ heirloom gardening information hoarding binge. i have learned a lot. it kills me how you go through life trying to figure out what you want to do then when you finally got it you spend the rest of your life trying to get there. it really blows. i'll try not to rant today, though. i have been keeping myself placated through ebay and amazon. i've bought a few books and random things through ebay like buttons and beads, wool fibers, and felt. i have serious plans to take over the world with this stuff! last night i could hardly sleep with all the ideas running through my head. i really really wish that i could record my thoughts. i have ideas forever. i have so much information and ideas in my head there's no room for anything else. i am running out of space up there. what's really fucked up is if i try to write them down i begin to forget. it's like once they travel from brain to mouth or brain to hand the ideas begin to decompose. also, johnny and i stayed up half the night talking so we didn't get much sleep. i have another interview today which i'm not really looking forward to. back to johnny - he's really starting to get me now. it's awesome. i believe he has attained the position of the only person in this world who knows me better than anyone. sorry, kim. but you're a very close second, dewd. even better, he is speaking his mind about more things. i don't know if he was worried about hurting my feelings or scared of starting a fight but he found the balls somewhere to have a serious conversation about who i am, what we are. i'm quite proud - and glad that he feels comfortable enough now to do that (finally!) i guess i have to return the favor - but here's where him and i differ. i guess he thinks that knowing every detail of someone's past constitutes as "knowing" them. i typically forget about the past. i wish it could be erased from my head. i don't like to talk about it and i don't think its very relevant. i have no desire to know every detail of his past, either. i think he wants to share it with me, though. i think the future is so much more important. but maybe you have to know the past to see the future, i don't know. if that's the case i am going to be seriously depressed. but i'm going to concentrate on the present and future. it seems much more worthwhile. what i love most about johnny is his incredible patience. it's truly unbelievable how much shit he puts up with from me - and i know everybody likes to think i dish out evil bitchiness to him but it's not always that. i test him in so many ways and it's stuff that would probably piss off or annoy most people but his incredible sense of humor and kindness just swallow up whatever i throw at him. it's really hard to find that in a person. i haven't seen it anywhere else. if you know johnny, you probably have seen that about him. humor and patience is priceless. i need as much of it as i can get. in return, i have to figure out what johnny loves about me and make sure i deliver on that. i can't imagine it's the "name that smell" game i like to play at random moments. i can't imagine he likes being bossed around by general om. maybe i make him laugh cause i am so hopelessly nuts. whatever it is, i hope it doesn't go away. ok, now i have to go to my stupid interview.