entering the rat race.....again

remember the famous phrase from forrest gump? stupid is as stupid does. that's what i hear in my head - in gump's southern drawl - whenever i think about going back to work at a big firm. isn't that crazy? everyone else is crawling over each other to get a job at a big firm and i have to be dragged there. well, if i can be perfectly honest here, i have not been job searching at all since i left work. well, maybe a teeny bit. i would look up a local firm, browse their website and possibly put in an application if i liked the place. i think i put in maybe three applications myself. i went on one interview - that went well. maybe karma knows how much i dread working at a corporate firm. maybe i really am a lazy ass. either way, i decided late thursday night to at least make a serious attempt to find a job. so i went on to monster.com and posted my resume at the last minute. the next morning, bright and early at 7 am, i woke up along with johnny and not a minute after he left, i started getting phone calls. back to back, even calls while i was talking to someone else. i got calls on my cell phone and my house phone. all of them in reference to my resume. at first, i was kind of thinking, oh great, what have i gotten myself into? but after speaking to some of these people (who were headhunters, of course) i realized it was legit. and they were desperate. they wanted me to come in right away for an interview. i spent all morning digitizing my portfolio to email it. i told everyone i did not want to work for a big firm. they all seemed to know about the massacre at the old place (which shall remain nameless for good reasons). i even got an email from a woman looking for someone to work on retail and restaurants (cookie cutter shit like old navy, chili's, longhorn, etc) and i emailed her back and said i would consider a position there provided i could telecommute or work part-time with full health benefits and a relatively high salary (for part-time, anyways). i haven't heard back from her LOL! i mean, what an insult!! i went to a design school for how long - and she wants me to cad clothing stores and restaurants??? i wish i could have shown her my face in person. get some high school kid for that crap, woman. well, anyways i lined up a few interviews this week - my first one today with a very enthusiastic head hunter who doesn't seem to GET IT that i don't want to work for some mega firm (he described the place like the office in the movie devil wears prada) that doesn't give a flying shit about its employees. I would rather work for a small firm that clings to it's good people. duh. who the fuck wants to be an ant? the stupidest thing i have ever heard a fellow architect say (who shall remain nameless again...) is "i'm going to make partner and be running this place in 5 years!" That's gravy, you dumbass. go ahead and leave the real world for the rest of us. run your megafirm and sell yourself like a dollar store to your board of directors. i saw a movie yesterday which had an opening narration that so perfectly described how i felt - i wish i had written it down but i'll try to remember bits of it - basically this lawyer had a moment of clarity while facing a wall of oncoming traffic as he walked out of the building he worked in (a big big law firm in NY). He realized he was covered in something - like a coating, or a glaze. he thought it was placenta and in the face of death was experiencing a sort of re-birth. then he looked back at the building that he had just exited from and realized it was not afterbirth. it was shit he was coated in and he had just been pooped out of a giant asshole. his whole outlooked changed after that and he was determined to rinse the shit off of him. i knind of know how that feels. maybe not as strong as he does but when i come home i feel totally empty - when i talk about my work it feels empty. when i actually think about what i am doing, what i am contributing to - i feel horrible. when i read or hear about all the "positive" stuff that we are responsible it feels like - some kind of faux facade (something architects are really fucking good at) covering up shit. that's what it is, isn't it? we don't sell our souls to evil like lawyers do, we package it up nice and pretty on the outside so it looks good and wholesome and right. case in point, these eat.work.play. "communities" that are becoming so popular here these days. they are popping up everywhere just because it seems like a really good idea and it's popular and everyone wants one. well, it doesn't work out in the middle of nowhere, assholes. it needs requires infrastructure and you can't just plop one of these things out in the country like a big band-aid. can you tell how much i hate these things? i can't go into it too much here but they are evil and i hate them. i also hate what's going on with spruill - which seemed like the last wholesome place around here. their board of directors is selling out to a big developer who has graciously agreed to build a nice new mixed use modern building - on spruill's property - and generously lease the bottom part of it to spruill and rent or sell the above as private residences. the whole thing stinks from front to back. i can't even go into that, either. it sucks big time.

well, i suppose this is enough bitchin for one day. i am going to get ready for some interviewing. i don't even care about conforming myself into the "perfect candidate" anymore. if they want me, they'll have to take me as i am. if not, i will be just as happy working elsewhere.