crabbyness

i'm a little ornary today. maybe because i'm frustrated that i am so busy despite being unemployed. i need personal quiet time to re-do my portoflio and try to find a job. i need to FOCUS. but i get distracted. everyday it's something new - usually has to do with my mother who thinks that the world revolves around her. i feel bad because she really needs my help with things but at the same time i really need to help myself.

acupuncture is also pissing me off. imagine having to dedicate 3 hours every other day to get stuck like a pincushion. not exactly something to look forward to. it's wasting my time at this point because i seriously and really really have more important shit to do, people!

i paid 170 bucks to take pottery classes, which i have been so busy i actually missed two of my classes. BUSY!! can you believe it?? HOW THE HELL CAN I BE SO F*ING BUSY?????? I know much of it is getting the house in order, which is like taking two steps forward then one back. but the OCD in me prevents me from disregarding my house duties to focus on other things. i need to tell everyone (my mom and my uncle) to piss the hell off so i can get my life back on track. why is it always family that fucks you up the most?? god FORBID i tell my uncle i don't want acupuncture. my mother will have a fucking cow. this is pissin me off so bad.

what i want is to a quiet, clean room with NO DISTRACTIONS and nothing but office equipment and supplies so i can make my stupid portfolio and whatever this CV bullshit is. so frustrating.

Not having a good day which is weird cause i went shopping (with my mom OF COURSE) and that usually makes me feel better but at the same time i wasted HOURS setting up a bunch of computer shit for her.

GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGRGRGGGGGGGGGGGG