i think its very important for me to think carefully about my life and my future and make some resolutions towards my goals. maybe it's quiet around me to help with clarity so i should take advantage of it, right? for this week, i have very little i can do other than think. and plan. so for the next few days leading up to new year's, i will be contemplating the following areas of interest:
my physical health my career my future husband my potential children my geographical location(s) my preferred lifestyle my financial health
i feel like its very selfish to think all about me but i know i owe it to myself. i owe it to my family as well. i always have plans and goals but this time i really have to make some monumental changes and decisions towards my goals. i really can't afford to become distracted anymore. so, hopefully this week i will have the mental clarity and the willpower to make my resolutions come true.
i can't take any credit for these eggplants since my chickens destroyed my garden (my fault, not theirs) but my mom did bring me some eggplant from her garden. i still have peppers and tomatoes growing but no squash or beans or anything like that. anyways, i made myself dinner the other night using her eggplant. i made eggplant stir-fry. which i didn't like - only because i don't really like eggplant but ya know, you got to keep trying it cause maybe one day you'll like it - with the exception of brussel sprouts. those are just freakin nasty.
i also had a eureka moment the other day when i put my t-shirt on louie. louie likes to play under blankets and burrow himself into things, and he especially loves to nuzzle up to me (such a mama's boy) so when i was changing my clothes, he was watching me and wanted to play with my shirt, so i just put it on him. he loved it! it was like nuzzling me and burrowing at the same time! so he kept the tshirt on all day.
i noticed that by having a tshirt on, louie was much more calm and comfortable and most importantly, he didn't get as much fur everywhere! so, in addition to being cute and funny, it's functional! naturally, i had to put one on bibi, who doesn't like to wear clothes that much, but she tolerated it just fine. i think bibi wearing a tshirt is even better cause she has such sensitive skin and this could help her with that. i would have put one on the smooshie, but he didn't want to be touched in any way yesterday. such a grump.
while i was sitting on the couch by the window, i took a close-up picture of my eye in macro and it came out pretty good. unfortunately, it also highlighted the terrible condition my skin is in. i used to have such clear pretty skin and now i am aging. ugh.
it's weird but i always considered 30 to be the age where you HAVE to grow up. i kinda lumped the 20's in with the teenage years and 30 is the official milestone into adulthood. wow, was i ever wrong. i've been an adult since i was a kid. now that i am an adult, i am more like a kid. i think "adultness" is way over-rated. i still want to have fun and do silly things. i seem to be way more into it than i was as a child. i mourned the idea of turning 30 because i had given myself a deadline and that was my first mistake. i'm re-connecting with the things i missed as a kid and i love it. i want to see and do and learn and play with enthusiasm because i want my kids to have a childhood like an adventure. how can i give them that if i can't recognize it myself? so now, my 30's is going to be all about happiness - what it takes to be happy and going there. i learned my lessons the hard way in my 20's and now i think it's time to reap some rewards.
my firends have come to visit me. i even had some old firneds i haven't seen in a while visit... it is nice to see them again. we went for a hike around the lake this morning and had indian buffet for lunch. we took naps and played with babies and puppies. i'd say that's a happy day!
we had to kill one of our cockerels this weekend. he was not doing so well. his butt turned black and he wasn't as interested in eating as before. we knew he was sick so johnny got to kill his first chicken. i didn't feel that bad cause it was a mercy killing but still - it was a little sad.
as for the remaining 8, they are on borrowed time. those little *&^%# destroyed my garden by roosting in my squash and pecking everything else to death. that's ok, though. i'm learning.
and yet - no eggs.
but i am happier than normal because i have managed to take a big step in personal improvement and started an exercise regimen with B that we have stuck to pretty well. i live in a beautiful neighborhood with lots of hills, some of them pretty steep and for about 45 mins, B and I walk around the neighborhood. lately, it's been a bit tougher cause of the humid heat, but we still do it. it feels quite good afterwards, too. i'm a little proud of myself by exceeding my doc's recommendation of exercising for 30 mins. 5 times a week. we've been walking nearly everyday.
i am a little worried about this heat, though. our utilities are going to be really high at this rate. plus, we are still in a drought. and the price of gas is really hurting. time to up the ante and make myself healthier, stronger, more frugal, and more thankful.
last friday on my day off i went to a check-up with my doctor and in the process somehow managed to get my cellphone disconnected. let's just say, VERIZON SUCKS. yes, they do. the lady called me up while i was IN the exam room and tried to corner me into paying my bill right then and there. well, i told her i couldn't pay her at that moment so she disconnected my line and johnny's. the funny thing is, she tone of her voice indicated that she really thought she was hurting me by shutting off my service. like she had a gun to my head, and i should be frightened and beg her not to cut it off. i honestly didn't care. in fact, i was fine with it. the only person that needs me to have a cellphone that bad is my mom and i feel no obligation to pay that much money to be at her beck and call. this woman obviously had no clue how much i didn't care about my damn cell phone. so it got turned off.
it was actually quite refreshing to not hear the annoying ringtone and then feel obligated to answer it whenever it rings. i rather dislike talking on the phone in general(excluding my bff's and my sis, of course). so we had to rely on the house phone for communication. we only have one house phone, and it is on the 2nd floor, in the office. it's mainly a fax machine, actually, and the only purpose it serves is to establish a DSL connection for my internet. I hate COMCAST, too. unfortunately, we have learned to tune out the sound of the house phone ringing so we never answer it. and if you do manage to hear it, you have to dash upstairs to answer before the fax kicks on. if this was to be our only means of using a telephone, it obviously wouldn't do.
so johnny installed a new jack and set up the cordless phone in the living room. this is the first time since i have lived in the house that i had a phone in any other room besides the office. and it was nice. i liked it. in fact, i LIKE having a house phone better than having a cell phone now. it's non-committal. i don't have to answer it. why? cause i could be out. or i could be not near the phone. or i could be outside. i have excuses not to answer!! this will work great on my mom.
well, she wasn't so happy about the blackout and made it clear that this will not do for her. she told me that i have to have a cell phone.
so i called up verizon on monday and paid the stupid bill and got my phone back on. ugh.
i hardly did anything over my 3 day weekend. it was great. johnny and i basically lounged around the house. well, i mainly napped while johnny did random things like re-inforce the chicken barrier and screw handles on the coop. we are having a bit of trouble keeping the chickens from roaming onto the street. a few of my neighbors have come by to check out our birds so i think they'll be cool with having a mini chicken farm next door. unfortunately, jerky has begun to practise his crowing. right now he sounds like he has a sore throat.
i think i need to take a little break from blogging while i get certain things in my life straightened out. i have to re-examine my career/job issue and plan for my future a little bit. i am also trying to lose 15 by the next time i see my doctor which is in 3 months. i've been walking around the neighborhood and eating less so i a optimistic about losing weight but don't wanna jinx myself.
in the meantime, i will be posting less frequently. cause ya know, i blog way too much.
this morning i was awake at 7:30 a.m. and excited. in a couple hours, i'll have my chickens. i tried to wake the household up, but nobody even budged. i laid in bed and snapped pictures of my sleeping beauty (bibi, not johnny...). i realize she is just a dog, but i love her to death. she is such an awesome dog, so laid back.
i love this picture - it pretty much shows how much she gets loved on. she's used to it, too. when i kiss her, i sneak in a little nibble and when i come home from work, she pins me down and licks my face and sneaks in her own little nibbles.
so there's an article on unclutterer that really makes sense to me, considering i am one of those people who believes in brainwashing. i have tried self hypnosis during my temporary insanity period of college. i was going nuts, didn't know how to deal with it so got someone to prescribe drugs for me. i ended up on effexor and it turned me into a zombie. every night i had surrealistic dreams of being a man and swimming with seals in the arctic. it was like a quasi-permanent state of tripping. believe me, i know. needless to say, it was not helping or solving any problems so i quit cold-turkey which is comparable to a bad acid trip while pmsing.
i still had the issues that made me turn to pharmaceuticals in the first place, so i explored hypnosis, which my father allegedly knows all about. that didn't work as well as i had hoped, but i did learn how to visualize my rage as a bright red and turn it into a less insane shade of blue-green. i made mandalas in my head. it helps, when i remember to use the technique.
then i came across a random quote that made me realize that i had been brainwashed all my life. to this day, i cannot remember the exact quote, and i don't remember where i read it or who said it, but the gist of it is that suffering the abuse of power long enough will turn you into ______. i can't remember that exact word, and it drives me crazy, but at the time i read that quote, it made so much sense and i instantly knew how it applied to my life.
this post could go down another long and dark path, so i'm going to cut the story short here. basically, i think i could use this brainwashing susceptibilty to my advantage. i could turn lemons onto lemonade, if i can figure out how to get there. i might need professional help, but wouldn't it be worth it? i'm tired of extremes. i don't want to be a zombie, but i don't want to be crazy, either. i want to make my life my way, not as a result of everything that has been done to me, or my lack of conviction or fears. the funny thing is, i KNOW what i am capable of, i have been tested (to quote hillary) and i have seen the power that my mind has over my body and my will. i'm actually proud of how well i am able to handle things when i have no other choice. but lazy, spoiled and resentful me has taken hostage of me right now and she's hanging on. does this make me sound utterly nuts or does this make any sense? i'll shut up now.
why do i think life is good? well, right now, i am remembering where i was and what i was doing exactly a year ago. exactly one year ago i was stuck in my bed with a broken ankle. i couldn't do a damn thing for myself except be miserable.
i had a stainless steel plate and screws riveted to my bones. i had horrible pain, muscle cramps, terrible rashes, and a general and overwhelming sense of just plain misery. i hated life. i hated my mom. i hated my fiance, i hated everyone and everything.
most of all, i hated myself. for being that way.
karma was not good to me last year, but it will be good to me this year. and so far, it has. besides random bouts of irrational depression, life is good. i forgot how weak and helpless i was and how much it pissed me off. i forgot how i never thought i would rehabilitate my ankle and walk normally again. i really thought i was just doomed. it has and can be worse, but for now, its good and i am happy for that.
a fresh and newly inspired attempt at being healthy has once again struck. i had a visit with my doctor recently because i had some inexplicable chest discomfort that felt like a boulder was expanding in my chest which is, needless to say, alarming. i was afraid that my heart might actually give out on me. so the doctor pointed out the first obvious problem - my weight. i am at this point, considerably overweight. most of the weight has been gained in the past 6 years. the second issue that she pointed out after an ekg and exam is that my body is producing a "stress response". my body is under the impression that i am under some kind of duress and is responding by raising hormone levels and perpetuating my weight gain. the problem is, i am not really under any unusual stress. honestly, i am comparatively stress-free.
so, what could this stress be? anything. seriously, it could be the most minute little thing that builds up, or is combining with other little things which magnify, mulitply, whatever. here's my theory: my general health is fundamentally comprimised due to many factors, the majority of which is caused by my weight, so obviously i need to lose the weight. but that doesn't happen overnight so i need to have a plan b to follow while i lose the weight so a sudden illness or injury doesn't send me back to square 1 as it always seems to do. it's hard to exercise on a regular basis when you are sick, injured, in some kind of mysterious pain, tired, crabby, and hungry. but all of these things are inter-related so i will simply have to suffer through the symptoms and attack my lack of health regardless of how my peg leg feels or how depressed i am.
i have to thank the cosmos, or maybe modern technology, but it seems as though information (or inspiration) lands in my lap as though i conjured it with my mind. i literally was thinking about how to boost my nautral immune system so i can fend off the cold or flu or whatever might come my way. heck, i would be happy if my body could heal minor cuts and bruises in a timely and effective manner, and bam! in my email inbox is a newsletter about the immune boosting effects of meditation. also, this weekend i get a phone call out of the blue from my good pal kim who is telling me about the benefits of using a sauna. she mentioned that spending like 20 minutes in the sauna detoxifies your body as much your kidney would in 24 hours. don't quote me on that, but its definitely worth trying out.
all this in addition to the healthy steps i have already implemented and there may be hope for me yet. if you are wondering what healthy steps i have already implemented they are the following: completely quit smoking (yes, hard to believe i even had this horrible habit, thankfully i wasn't hopelessly addicted), i stopped eating so much junk food, quit drinking soda everyday, i actually did exercise regularly until my ankle broke, i learned to control my temper, i weeded the negatively influtential people in my life (ironically, my mother isn't quite in this catagory), and i began researching and implementing natural health remedies and techniques. this is monumental because before i was too stressed and depressed to really give a shit about hypericum perforatum and arnica gel and natural toothpaste. i give a shit now. a really big shit.
so i have a follow-up appointment with my doc in 4 weeks, and i would like to impress her by losing a few pounds by then. i am going to concentrate on eating less carbs and walking a little more. small steps. maybe with some positive reinforcement and some support i can emerge from my current situation a happier, healthier person.
yeah, not so much going on. i'm being very reserved. i don't know what it is. after being sick, after going through my little bout of depression, after dealing with my job and random people trying to scam me, i'm just sort of hollow. there's no excitement or really anything to look forward to. i'm not sad - i'm just too comfortable? i'm used to drama. moving places, dealing with all kinds of people, always something going on. i don't know if i am enjoying this calm or hating it. something is....missing. i am in a routine that i didn't really mean to be, it just sort of happened. and now i suppose i have to analyze it and figure out where to go from here. i know my stress levels have dropped. maybe my body has doped itself. maybe it's cause my mom has kept her distance a bit. maybe i need a vacation.
in related news, another potential solution just plopped into my lap - a mood tracker. it's an online tool where i can track my mood each day, and write about what is affecting it. i think it's worth a shot. it'll be interesting to see the trends once i get enough info in it.
we got a new employee at work this week. an interiors girl. she and i have a few things in common, and she seems very nice. i like her. she has a blue pit bull that she showed me pictures of. he looks the same as syrus when they were puppies - all wrinkly and red-handed with a shoe or sock in the mouth.
last night i had a weird chest discomfort - kind of like i had a balloon building pressure in my chest. tomorrow i see the doctor about it. i am convinced that one day i will die of heart disease or some other cardio related disorder. i would rather go out that way than a horrible accident, though. not trying to be depressing, i'm just sayin...
ok, i'm ending this post before it just gets out of hand....
sorry but this blog is going to be rather imageless for a little while. my camera is broken and i have yet to get a new one. i'm kind of mad because it was a NEW camera my mom bought for me at costco. it is a coolpix. well it's a crappix now. this is why quality should reign over being cheap when it comes to things like cameras. my next camera will be a good quality one and i guess i have to be anal retentive and not snap photos when it's snowing outside.
i am thinking about saving up for a really nice camera, one of those fancy ones with a big lens that you can take professional quality pictures with. i'm going to stay under $600. i don't know much about cameras so its going to take a lot of research. if you have any suggestions, tips, etc. please let me know (in the comments)!
on a random note, my mom came over last night and casually mentioned that she found my old spanking paddle. it sounds funny. unfortunately, it's the object of much hatred. if that thing did not exist, i would probably hate my mother a lot less. not so funny now, huh? she used it not only to spank me, but humiliate me as well because she would actually show it off to everyone and laugh. and 20 some years later, she is still doing it. that woman just doesn't freakin get it. haha, isn't it funny that she used to beat me with a giant rice paddle and document every stroke on its handle? isn't it funny she used to spank me for stupid shit like spilling my paint cup? isn't it just hilarious that she showed it off and laughed at my expense to anyone willing to listen (which, of course is everybody since for some reason spanking little girls is so amusing). don't get me wrong, i actually believe in spanking - as a total last resort. punishment should not be to hurt someone's feelings or confidence. it's supposed to teach a lesson. in my case it was abused. it wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't use that paddle to shame me as well, but she did. and we both paid for it. don't humiliate your kids, people. it's hard to forget.
today is my first day back to work since i contracted the plague. i went to work briefly on wednesday but then had to go straight to the hospital with my mom afterwards. we were there until 1:30 am, and all we got was an asthma prescription. well, actually i got hooked up to the nebulizer and a shot in the ass which felt like liquid fire spreading across my butt. the doc said the flu is really bad this year and actually prescribed bed rest for 4 days. i think from now on i am going to get the flu shot, even if it doesn't cover all strains it helps. i still have a gross cough which i've been told could last up to 6 months. yippee.
the good news is a think i lost a few pounds. from now on i am going to eat way more fruits and vegetables. i'm just not a really big fan of vegetables. well, american vegetables anyways. gimme sprouts and spinach and roots anyday. i'm tired of tomatoes and squash and cucumber. overall, my health needs to improve. seriously. why is this so difficult? well, i'll tell you why. i can be pretty lazy and i suck at cooking. well, i suck at ethnic cooking. i don't know how or why it happened, but it takes a certain old school flair to make the perfect kimchi soup that i just don't seem to have. my denjang jigae always comes out tasting funny. my rice cakes are always gooey and when i do the spicy/sweet thing it either comes out too spicy or too sweet. plus, it takes a lot of dedication to shop for and prepare korean food. i love korean style fish but i can't cook it to save my freakin life. there's no recipe for this stuff, it's all in my mom's head and it changes everytime! i don't think korean women like to write down recipes. it must be bad luck or something.
for now, i need to just commit to eating more salad and raw fruit. less meat and processed foods. much less sugar. no more soda. i am an adult now and adults don't eat these things.
...it's been an interesting week. started off boring enough, then bam! we get snow and i go blind.
yep, it snowed. someone answered my prayers and suddenly wednesday afternoon big fat flakes began to fall from the sky. in a panicked frenzy, everyone in atlanta decided to rush home around 5 pm. my usual route home was practically gridlocked, so i thought i might detour and visit with my mom. except she wasn't answering her phone. then johnny's stupid gps (it's called maestro - don't get it!) got me completely and hopelessly lost in downtown atlanta. it was momentary insanity. I finally made it home and played with the dogs outside.
louie has never seen snow. i wasn't there to witness his first snowflake but i hear it was entertaining. he was jumping around wildly and just having a happy-go-lucky time. bibi was having some fun chasing flakes, too. syrus was over it. his grumpy ass just stayed in the warm house. there was even enough snow for johnny and i to have a small snowball fight.
then the next morning i woke up with a mysterious eye infection. it was painful. i couldn't open my eyes because any light created a searing pain in my retina. my right retina, to be precise. my eye was completely bloodshot and at first i thought maybe i had pinkeye. nope. i had to take out my contact and i knew i wouldn't be able to drive to work, or even work period. i called in sick.
i figured i would have to just let it follow its course so i took some echinacea/goldenseal and bilberry/eyebright. i made a hot chamomile tea compress and sat on the couch in a gloom. it became apparent quickly that this was no normal eye infection. my eye was in serious PAIN. johnny came home for lunch and thankfully decided to find me a doctor. since i don't have health insurance yet (i will on feb. 1st) i was trying to avoid the e.r. he found me a doctor in snellville, about 30 mins away. my dad took me there. and hour and a queasy stomach later, we arrived at the clinic. i was literally blindfolded because the teeniest amount of light in either eye inspired a searing pain in my infected eye. i had on my sleeping mask with the chamomile compress underneath and one hand on my dad's shoulder while he led me from the car to the building. i followed closely, knowing my dad he was very likely to walk me into a pole or have me trip over a curb. we went inside and even though i can't confirm this, i am quite sure he was lost and that we were walking in circles. he mutters to himself, pauses, mutters again, and continues on. somehow he walked me into tree branches (i thought i was safe indoors, but i was wrong!) and then finally we found the clinic suite.
the doctor gave me a pain reliever in my eye and i was able to open them. kinda. then she tortured me with her instruments and lights and announced that i had a corneal ulcer. which kinda freaked me out. it's actually common with contact lens wearers and it's from wearing them for too long. i walked out of there with thick sunglasses (on a very cloudy day) and went home with a teeny bottle of antibiotic eye drops worth $100.00. i had to put one drop in my eye every hour.
the next morning i was much better. i had a follow-up exam and got another bottle of the most expensive liquid on earth. i have to wear my dorky superthick glasses. my right eye looks like a zombie's. but i am happy, not so much pain anymore. still a bit light sensitive but i am optimistic for a full recovery.
this here is a prime example of how i work. i must learn ALL of my lessons the hard way. from now on, i cannot sleep with contacts in. in fact, i should probably be wearing glasses more than my contacts, which i know now are evil. i guess i could get lasik but i am too much of a chicken and don't have the couple grand to shell out for it. 2008 is going to be a great year, dammit.
ok, so i'm spoiled. i get it now. i buy whatever the hell i want whenever the hell i want and it isn't right. i wonder where all my money goes and it's like HELLO!! you went shopping and dropped 3 bills at LB and went on a craft supply hoarding spree!!
my name is heather and i am a shopaholic. i have no savings. i live paycheck to paycheck.
whew. now that my confession is out of the way i can begin my road to financial recovery. i hope. i've had long talks about this with johnny so hopefully he's on board with some of the drastic but necessary financial decisions i have made.
first of all, we spend way way too much money eating at restaurants. partly out of convenience partly out of laziness. neither is acceptable. eating out should be a reward, not a daily exercise. i am still looking for that perfect online meal/grocery planning website and haven't found one yet so i have to come up with my own system - which i did based on previous experiences.
instead of trying to figure out every meal i need to prepare for each day i am going to use this method. the heather method. i will sort a specific number of recipes once a week into the following categories:
5 dinners
3 lunches
2 breakfasts
3 snacks
2 desserts
3 beverages
i won't have any specific meal planned for a specific night but i will only buy the items i need according to the recipes for the above meals per week. and to make this even tougher, i have placed a strict limit of $100.00 per week for groceries. oh shit i accidentally swallowed my gum....dammit. anyways i figure if i can plan out which meals to make every week then we can save some money and use the leftovers for eating out, maybe once a week. i am only planning to make 5 dinners because there will be a couple night per week where we need to eat leftovers or maybe i'm too tired to cook and i can just make some ramen noodles (the souped up korean style, not the top ramen crap).
the next financial step is to figure out how to invest in my roth IRA. i have no clue so i need to research and set up a system that automatically deposits a set amount every month.
i am also trying to cut down on the principle amount of my mortgage so starting february i am going to pay $200.00 above the mortgage amount every month to help cut down the principle. this will in turn cut down on my interest as well. it's a win-win but it's going to be tough.
all of this means NO shopping sprees. if i need a new pair of pants, it has to fall within the budget AFTER i've made the above mentioned payments. the good news is that I will have a couple of credit cards paid off soon so i'll hopefully have more cash.
i'll try to keep myself disciplined and post my failures here for all the world to see.
*update*
i have just taken care of item#2. the roth IRA. in a bold move, i transferred funds from my line of credit to my investment account at fidelity. i bought myself a mutual fund for $2500.00. holy sheet, man. my first real investment. it's got a very aggressive profile so hopefully it will grow fast. i am going to contribute $100 every month this year. maybe next year i can contribute more per month. anyways, i applied this contribution to the 2007 tax year so i can still contribute up to another $4,000 for 2008. now all i have to do is pay down my line of credit!!
ok, so it's the second week of january and it's like late spring outside. wtf? 3 weeks ago it was freezing cold. literally. last night there was a really strong thunderstorm, it woke me up several times and even got the dogs barking. i usually love thunderstorms like that but when you are living in a little shack surrounded by 100 ft. tall pines you get a little nervous....
oh and i still love microfiber.
and in case you haven't heard they found the hiker girl that went missing in the woods. she was beaten to death with a police baton and decapitated. i didn't know the details until this morning and now i want the asshole who did this to die a horrible death. please, just let us cut off a few of his limbs and leave him out to die by himself in the middle of nowhere. her boyfriend called up the radio station i listened to this morning and i was crying the entire way to work. i'm OK now but i cannot believe the DA bargained with this guy to not seek the death penalty if he showed them where her body is. wtf kind of stupid deal is that?? i hope some judge overturns it or something. i don't normally support the death penalty but cases like this make me question that belief. if someone heinously murders without provocation a completely innocent and defenseless person and causes them to SUFFER as they die - they should be put to death as well. i just don't understand how some people have the capacity to do such a thing to another human. so maliciously... if she was my sister, my daughter, my niece, whatever - i would want him to die. i just could not have any mercy in that instance. no legal method of death could be equal enough.
hearing about tragedies like this on the news makes me wonder what good is really left out there? my boss and i had a long lunch the other day and he said that there was some kind of study that said people generally lean towards good. i would love to believe that. i think people do, but have been gradually de-sensitized through the media over the past generation. i myself am admittedly de-sensitized in a way. i mean, when you see someone who needs your help should you not immediately help them? but then you sort of automatically ignore them and continue on your way. i find that when i do this i feel regret afterwards, but the response is so automatic i hardly notice that i am doing it.
case in point, my mother and i were driving on the freeway through atlanta several years ago when we witnessed right in front of us a car accident. a maroon-colored sedan holding way more people than it should skidded across several lanes and crashed into the median. we stopped the car and for what seemed like a long time just sat there watching. it didn't even occur to me to get out (on the freeway) and help them until my mother sprang into action. she got out of the car and ran up to the other car and i followed. an old woman was sitting in the back with like 6 kids, and they were all shell-shocked. everyone was not moving, so i helped get the kids out of the crunched car and my mom grabbed another kid from the other side as the couple in the front staggered out. i didn't think the whole time, i just sort of went on autopilot. we helped them to the side of the road as police and ambulance arrived. then mom and i just hopped back into our car and drove off. it was kind of a bizarre and surreal moment in time.
i think i was more amazed at my mom than anything else. she rarely showed compassion in front of me like that and i didn't know what to make of it. but then i felt disgusted with myself. why did i hesitate? the car could have blown up, and everyone die and it would have been my fault for not saving them. was i OK with that? did i feel like it was not my business or something? i wasn't paralyzed by fear i was paralyzed because i simply didn't know what to do. i was thinking about it too much. i felt powerless or something. well, that was then and this is now. if i were to experience the same situation i wouldn't hesitate. i hope that if it happened to me someone else wouldn't hesitate either.
i used to love cleaning. in fact, i was neurotically clean and organized. it was soothing to clean every square inch of everything and it felt like i had accomplished something when i was done. not so much anymore. in fact, i've become to detest cleaning because it seems never-ending. as soon as i clean something, by the end of the day it's dirty again. i know a lot of it has to do with having dogs but i am not getting rid of them. my ankle also makes it more difficult to clean, like going up and down steps and basic maneuvering. i gave up on being a clean person. i decided to just get used to having a messy/dirty house and just trying to keep it from getting out of hand on the weekends. not anymore!! i have found my new favorite thing and it is called microfiber. i've known about it but i never knew how great it was at cleaning until i got my green e-newsletter and there was an article about how to clean your house without using chemicals. i didn't think much about it until i happened to be at target and saw they had a set of four on clearance. there's one for dusting, one for kitchen/bath, one for glass, and one for furniture polishing. i got a few more general ones cause they were on clearance, too. i am so glad i did.
at first it was hard for me to let go of the idea that i had to use some kind of spray or soap to clean my bathroom (my first test area). but i thought - you have to at least try it. so i wet the cloth a bit and wiped. eh. it was ok... i could still see millions of microscopic bacteria swarming on my vanity. but then i just used it like a rag - got it nice and wet with hot water and just wiped everything down and it cleaned so well!! i didn't think about germs anymore. i was pretty pleased. then i decided to test out the "glass" cleaning cloth - thinking for sure it would fail but to my complete surprise it worked like a charm!! i think i spent about 30 mins. in my bathroom marvelling at how easy, simple, and chemical free my sparkling bathroom was. next was the kitchen.
i used a different microfiber cloth and used it pretty much the same way - thoroughly wet (but wrung out) with hot water and just wiped everything down. i had to rinse it pretty often because my kitchen really was filthy. but it cleaned it up perfectly - cut through grease and picked up any dried food particles. i ended up wiping down the entire kitchen - oven, microwave, cabinets, drawers, fridge, etc. with one cloth and absolutely no chemicals!
i hand washed my microfiber rag and hung it to dry on the kitchen sink faucet. i love my new cleaning tool. i thought about how much money i have spent on cleaning in the past and i am astonished. countless boxes of those addictive swiffer dusters, bottles and bottles of anti-bacterial counter wipes and glass cleaners. and to my total humiliation and shame - those evil megaharsh cleaners like bam! and 409. all kinds of toilet bowl cleaners, bathtub scrubbers, heavy duty tile & grout soapscum cleaners, furniture dusting spray, hardwood floor cleaner, and carpet stain cleaner and de-oderizer. i was even addicted at one point to those stupid carpet powders that you vacuum up which gave poor bibi awful skin rashes and probably didn't help my asthma. for every surface in your house, there is a cleaner, polisher, & deoderizer for it. well, not for me anymore. i am using my microfiber, vinegar, baking soda, and essential oils to clean. i feel so much better now. and my house sparkles!
i am a reformed cleaner. and i shall spread the gospel.
p.s. i just had to add this handy dandy factoid - microwave your (wet!) microfiber rag for 2 minutes to kill 99% of the bacteria - and it cleans your microwave! you can do this with your toothbrush, too...
I really have high hopes for this year. this is going to be a very good year, so help me god. or whoever's out there....
last year undoubtedly sucked, as i mentioned before and shall not dwell upon anymore, despite the several really good things that happened. but i swear nothing bad will happen in 2008. i am going to work harder to make it so. that means i will be more careful, more thoughful, more diligent, more honest, more disciplined, more inquisitive, more aware, and put my health at the upmost priority. i have made a few subtle changes recently that i think will carry over to make 2008 a better year. i am really putting into effect some eco-conscious rituals at my house. i am using better products, learning more and more about living a greener life. i am going to take up gardening more often and learn how to grow things (first i need some sunlight which means i need to cut down some trees!!) and how to store them. i have been cooking more, broadening my repitoire of recipes and experimenting (successfully!!) with my own concoctions.
by the way, I AM DONE ENTERING MY IDP CREDITS!!!!! jeez, that was a pain in the ASS. now all i have left to do is mail off the packet to my old supervisor an he then signs off and mails it out to ncarb. after tallying up all my credits so far i have burned through 487.71 with 212.79 to go. holy sheet. that means i can probably start testing by fall. i need to be leed certified by then or else i will never do it. i hate tests!!!!
for new years, i got johnny and i tickets to see a stand-up comedian. it was my first comedy show so i didn't know what to really expect, but it was actually really good. the comedian's name was tom simmons. johnny and i ate not the most stellar food so next time we will eat beforehand. then we went home and i played final fantasy until about 15 minutes before midnight then we watched the ball drop on times square. man, dick clark is OLD. i thought the man was dead but he still looks the same, even though he sounds like he's 100. anyways, right after that i played more final fantasy then went to bed.
we had a pretty relaxing holiday, did some thorough cleaning and a little organizing. i am going to switch my office with the guest room and we are going to have a huge garage sale to get rid of a bunch of crap. 2008 is about being happy, healthy and content. we don't need so much crap and i refuse to just buy everything retail. i shop craigslist.
oh, and i almost forgot. i planned on getting pregnant fall 2008. we shall see how that goes. if i still like johnny by then maybe we'll hook up.
i love jibjab. it just makes me happy. when's the last time you laughed so hard your cheeks hurt and tears streamed down your face? i love to laugh like that, and funny videos make me laugh hard. actually, it's pretty easy to make me laugh. right now i have that ding fries are done song stuck in my head and it makes me burst into laughter anytime i hear it.
i am looking forward to a relaxing stress free xmas. no cooking a large meal for everyone, no worrying about gifts (even though i did buy people gifts this year), nothing to do but hang out with johnny, the dogs and my playstation. ahhhhhh.....
i just have to add... the bitchy dork in me likes to occasionally write letters to corporate companies about a particular issue that is either bugging me or that i feel should be encouraged. i have written to Marta, Costco, several online shopping sites and of course politicians. today i wrote a letter to varsity and i thought i would share this little note with you guys...
In case you haven't heard, Georgia is experiencing an exceptional drought. Everyone is concerned about water usage and restrictions and penalties are being upheld throught the community. Everyday people are trying to do their part to waste less water by letting their lawns die, not running water, flushing less, showering for less time, etc. What continues to amaze me is how companies seem to think they are exempt from the effort to conserve water. Every morning, I walk past the Varsity restaurant on North Avenue on my way to work. In the past 3 months I have seen someone pressure washing the parking lot on at least 3 seperate occasions. Is it absolutely vital to pressure wash your parking lot that often? I would imagine that the amount of Varsity trash I see accumulating around the restaurants is a much worse blight upon the landscape than a few stains on the asphalt of the parking lot. I would greatly appreciate it if the Varsity would participate in the water conserving efforts of the citizens of Atlanta. Thank you.
aren't i a sassy one? the more i read it the more it makes me laugh at myself. but i hope they take it seriously.
this is cute - i have a whoville name - Heckling Heather Ockeroo-Who from grinched.com i guess that name fits....
update: OMG... it never ceases to amaze me when.... i get responses to my emails. i don't know why but it makes me very appreciative that somebody out there cares enough to respond. I just got off the phone with the general manager of Varsity restaurants who called my cellphone to speak to me about the pressure washing that his restaurant does. he explained it very courteously that the reason why they pressure wash is for public health and safety, and because they are mandated to do so in an effort to reduce the spread of food born diseases and sickness. makes perfect sense. i thanked him for calling me and explaining that. he said he hated having to do it because he is very concerned about the drought and hopes that we will come out of it soon.
what a nice man. i might have to try some of the food over there, i've never eaten at varsity before. hahaha.... omg i am evil.
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