warning: graphic content.

the past few days have been a little emotionally charged for me. it could be my hormones or a chemical imbalance in my brain, but i feel like things haven't been handled quite properly. my mom is just about the only person on this earth who can piss me off more than even i could imagine. i swear i deserve a freaking medal for putting up with her all the time. my sister SO OWES me for this shit cause when it comes time to take care of mom, i plan on being busy raising my own kids. whew- i feel better now. ok, so what could a cute little asian fireball of a woman do to piss me off so bad? well, for starters she likes to kill my chickens. and if you fuck with my chickens, you are fucking with me. (sorry for the profanity, i missed my regularly scheduled therapy appointment and feeling a little bottled up...lol).

anyways, it's not just that she killed my chickens, it's that she ENJOYS it. she relishes the thought of breaking necks and slitting throats. she likes to kill chickens because they are food. and food doesn't deserve dignity. (i swear i'm not crazy). so, i let her kill the first chicken a while ago. i knew that these chickens were fated for the butcher block when i got them, but STILL. Johnny and i did not partake of the first chicken. the second chicken she killed earlier this week, once again with my permission, and this time somewhat more humanely. i watched the whole process of de-feathering and gutting a chicken and assisted with a hose and pail. it was not the easiest thing to watch but i had to. i need to know how to do all that cause hello! i raised these chickens for meat (and eggs). the dogs were entranced with the whole show and i just tried to keep from tossing my cookies. we made a fabulous curry chicken stew over brown rice but i had a very hard time eating it. i only took a small piece of chicken and had to think of other things in order to chew and swallow the meat.

i was glad when that whole thing was over. i ate one of my chickens and i have mixed feelings about it. i know it's normal - we eat chickens. i like chicken, for the most part. we gave them a good life and they died for a purpose. i still felt a bit of guilt and decided to thank the universe for the chicken's sacrifice to us. (still not crazy). so, how did this all piss me off? well, i guess my mother took this and the notice from the code enforcement that it was time to become ruthless chicken handlers and, along with johnny as co-conspirator, tormented my remaining chickens by shoving them roughly and without regard into the small cage for transport. they were squacking and screaming, feathers flying everywhere, the dogs hysterical, and nobody was listening to me. nobody heard me, or otherwise ignored my requests, to be nice to my chickens. i didn't want to traumatize them during this stressful time. I wanted to be able to peacefully put them in the cage and load them in the car and take them over to my mom's. instead, my mom went into a determined terminator-like mode to grab and fling fowl around. johnny, of all people, actually grabbed a rooster by his neck to try and shove him into the cage. my only demand was that they put the cage into the coop and try to coax the chickens inside, using feed as incentive. but NO - don't listen to the crazy, emotional, know-nothing-about-chickens, silly girl. surely i had nothing of value to add to the whole operation. then it became hostile and i lost my cool.

they weren't listening to me, the chickens were frightened out of their minds, and not a single damn chicken was in the cage. finally, my mom took the cage and went inside the coop to grab the chickens and stuff them in. which is excactly what i wanted to do in the first place - put the cage inside the coop and let the chickens go into the cage on their own. WHY wouldn't that work? now, she was essentially doing the same thing - only with a more mean and hostile twist to it. i was very mad and frustrated and broken hearted. not only for my chickens but for that fact that they didn't give a shit that it meant a lot to me to be gentle with my little flock.

i'm sure people may think i'm totally crazy and stupid. chickens are food, why be gentle? why care about their well-being when they are going to be eaten? to me, it just seems to be the right thing to do to treat a chicken with care and respect. you are going to take it's life to sustain your own, it deserves to live and die with a little dignity, don't ya think?

if you want to hear johnny's side of the story, you'll have to hope that he comments to this post.

farewell, my chickens...

today is the deadline we were given to get rid of our chickens. assholes. anyways, my mom is going to take them to her place and i hope she doesn't kill jerky but they are her chickens now. we left the remaining 6 chickens in the coop to make it easier to put them in the cage for transport. my mom is taking the coop, too. i'm a little sad - i'll miss jerky the most. he's got personality. they all think i'm nuts but chickens have personality, dammit.



i really want to just tell the code enforcement person to fuck off but i don't think that would be the smartest thing to do. johnny thinks we should record jerky and potpie crowing and play it every morning after they are gone. i think it's an excellent idea. i know i've mentioned this before but we sure do have some STANK neighbors. i'm not sure which ones they are, but good grief they really have nothing else to do but complain and meddle in everyone else's business. i'm so glad we don't have a homeowner's association because i wouldn't live here. i'm done being nice to these assholes. i can't believe i gave them homemade fig jam like a dork. from now on, any neighbor that comes over here without something nice to say i'm just going to ignore them.



there is the possibility that none of our neighbors called the code enforcement people on us. who knows. in any case i really can't stand the fact that it's okay to have barking dogs and kids banging on drums but god forbid someone hears a damn rooster. assholes. okay, rant over.

zoning regulations suck

so the first thing johnny and i see when we got back from beaufort and savannah was a notice taped to our front door from code enforcement. apparently they came by while we were gone and nosed around our house. they wrote me up for have chickens in a neighborhood zoned R-100 and for having paint cans in our carport. jerks. i don't understand why we can't have chickens at our house. the only nuisance they are is the periodic crowing from the roosters. but honestly - we can hear sirens, trains, horns honking, giant dumptrucks, semis, school buses, and bass booming all day long in this neighborhood. what's the big deal about a crowing rooster? i find it kind of funny and endearing to hear jerky and potpie practice singing - it's cute. but i guess that's just me and i'm a wierdo.



regardless, we are going to have to get rid of our chickens by the end of the week (also unfair!) and i think my mom is going to take them, along with the coop johnny built, over to her place - at least until i can find them a good home (stop rolling your eyes). i know of a small petting zoo that was looking for chickens so maybe i'll start there.



why aren't we just going to eat them? well, i'm a little too attached to jerky and potpie to actually kill and eat them. the others not so much. but most importantly, they are not tasty birds. my mom (with the help of bibi) killed and butchered one of the cocks a while ago and she made stew (which i didn't eat either). she said the chicken was way too tough. i guess our birds are leaner than the average grocery store chicken and have very little fat to make them juicy. i guess they get too much exercise. i think our birds are quite happy - they get to roam around about 2 acres of backyard complete with ponds and gardens and bamboo forests and little gullies. it's like paradise for chickens.



so, i can hardly send my priveledged birds to some butcher for a meal. i know i'm a wuss.

RIP stewie.

we had to kill one of our cockerels this weekend. he was not doing so well. his butt turned black and he wasn't as interested in eating as before. we knew he was sick so johnny got to kill his first chicken. i didn't feel that bad cause it was a mercy killing but still - it was a little sad.

as for the remaining 8, they are on borrowed time. those little *&^%# destroyed my garden by roosting in my squash and pecking everything else to death. that's ok, though. i'm learning.

and yet - no eggs.

but i am happier than normal because i have managed to take a big step in personal improvement and started an exercise regimen with B that we have stuck to pretty well. i live in a beautiful neighborhood with lots of hills, some of them pretty steep and for about 45 mins, B and I walk around the neighborhood. lately, it's been a bit tougher cause of the humid heat, but we still do it. it feels quite good afterwards, too. i'm a little proud of myself by exceeding my doc's recommendation of exercising for 30 mins. 5 times a week. we've been walking nearly everyday.

i am a little worried about this heat, though. our utilities are going to be really high at this rate. plus, we are still in a drought. and the price of gas is really hurting. time to up the ante and make myself healthier, stronger, more frugal, and more thankful.

announcement

in total contradiction of my recent post where i talked about blogging less, here is an important annoucement i need to make.

i am now a proud member of the atlanta pet chicken meetup. i seriously want to attend the next meeting because i have very important questions to ask, like:

how do you keep them from pooping all over the coop?

how do you get them to try new foods?

what really is the best method of slaughtering a chicken?

what do you do about the flies?

will all the roosters crow, or just the alpha male? are there alpha males?

when will i get any damn eggs?

does anyone have problems with their neighbors over the chickens?

lazy lazy weekend

i hardly did anything over my 3 day weekend. it was great. johnny and i basically lounged around the house. well, i mainly napped while johnny did random things like re-inforce the chicken barrier and screw handles on the coop. we are having a bit of trouble keeping the chickens from roaming onto the street. a few of my neighbors have come by to check out our birds so i think they'll be cool with having a mini chicken farm next door. unfortunately, jerky has begun to practise his crowing. right now he sounds like he has a sore throat.

i think i need to take a little break from blogging while i get certain things in my life straightened out. i have to re-examine my career/job issue and plan for my future a little bit. i am also trying to lose 15 by the next time i see my doctor which is in 3 months. i've been walking around the neighborhood and eating less so i a optimistic about losing weight but don't wanna jinx myself.

in the meantime, i will be posting less frequently. cause ya know, i blog way too much.

bloody monday

**warning, this content may not be suitable for the squeamish** (no chickens were involved)

oh, it was an eventful weekend. well, eventful for me - other "normal" people might consider it boring.... anyways, things were going great once friday was over. it was a long weekend ahead of us and everyone was happy. we decided to go visit dry pond for some fresh air and beautiful scenery and fishing. we wanted to spend the night but that didn't work out so we spent all of monday at dry pond and my mom's lake (unnamed so far...). we made it a priority this weekend to clean the house. in an effort to run a more effecient household, we have all agreed on setting some goals for the house, and ourselves. i obviously need help in this department cause it's hard for only one person to organize and keep up what's going on. so i started a fridge inventory to keep a running tab on its contents and monitor spending and waste. i will be coming up with a cleaning schedule to help keep my very messy house somewhat under control. and B and V and i are resolving to lose some weight with exercise and diet - all of us together. i really really hope it works. unfortunately, it may mean i have to wear a bathing suit. ugh.

anyways, back to bloody monday. i guess you could also call it... yesterday. i woke up around 6:45 and let the chickens out and fed and watered them. i let the dogs out and sat outside a little bit. nobody else was awake. so i went back to bed and must have fell asleep because i missed the commotion. when i woke back up about 9:30, B was in the kitchen cleaning. i was impressed that she woke up and cleaned and she informed me that the dogs caught a possum and ate it in the kitchen (or dining room, depending on what side of the fridge you are standing). she spared me the anguish of cleaning up blood and guts and threw what remained of the poor creature on the bramble pile to be picked up by refuse. i felt so bad for the thing - it was just eating my chicken feed! somehow it must have wandered into the backyard right into the waiting jaws of three large dogs. B was right, there's no way i could have cleaned up that mess without losing my cookies.



then i remembered that earlier that morning i saw choco in the side yard carrying a rather large (dead) frog in his little mouth and eating it by the curb. i watched him chew off a leg and bite the frog several times. it didn't bother me, but when i went back to that spot i noticed the frog was still alive! and minus two back legs! it was a sad, sad, situation. i felt horrible for this pretty frog but i can hardly scold my cat for being a cat.



so, i made johnny move the frog from the curb over to my mother's backyard where hopefully some frog deity will have mercy on it and let him re-grow his legs. more than likely it will die, but i chose to believe there are frog deities. fairies, even. so that was bloody monday (morning). a lot more happened that day which i will probably have to continue in another post later. it was a beautiful weekend, hanging out with awesome people and animals. we put up a small wire fence to help keep the chickens from wandering onto the street. it's working so far. i am amazed that they seem to know where their home is. they stay close, so i let them roam all day. they mostly peck and scratch around or sit in the monkey grass or the straw pile. last night they even tucked themselves in bed! i was being lazy and didn't herd them into their coop and when i finally went out, they were already inside, sleeping! awesome!

i told you guys i was going to be the next georgia o'keefe! the magnolia tree in front of my porch is blooming! you can sit there and smell the scent of magnolia perfume the air - and enjoy the beautiful view as well!



our weekend was fun and productive! like i said, we resolved to gain control over the household so we busted ass and did a lot of cleaning. johnny did a lion's share of the landscaping, but look at the beautiousness of the porch now!!!

From SPRING 2008

we mulched the hibiscus with this really dark bark-y mulch, and put down a weed cloth under the pea gravel. we edged along both sides and johnny re-wired the landscape lights. B and i planted the marigolds and the lilies are growing happily. i moved all my herbs over to the greenhouse roof so we can still enjoy them from the porch but they are out of the way.

i also tackled the gargantuan task of cleaning out my closet. i thinned out my wardrobe and gave away a whole bunch of clothes i don't wear (or fit into) anymore. i made enough room for johnny's clothes by packing away our winter clothes under the bed. now we can share a closet! now all we have to do is organize and sort the sheets and blankets. since louie decided to take a shit in the bathtub the other night, B also scrubbed the bathroom down with some brand-new environmentally conscious cleaning products from target called "le scrub" by method. i like it.

my mom's garden

my mother is the original green thumb in the family. she's a hardcore landscaper. her expertise is ponds, and she has many of them. her koi fish breed like rabbits. some of her most notable achievements are: building a lake (yes, a LAKE), building a driving range, installing several, several koi and non-fish ponds complete with waterfalls and fountains, building an outdoor wedding venue and outdoor kitchen (Dry Pond Garden), installing a fruit and nut orchard, and remodeling several homes. it may sound like she's a rich developer, but she actually did all of this with her own two hands. her garden at archwood (next door to my house) has been in gradual deterioration since she moved downtown a couple years ago, but it still looks lush and pretty. my dad is nowhere near as good a gardener as my mom, who can grown ANYTHING. she can pick a branch off of any plant and re-root it anywhere. she has quite a diverse collection of plants in all her gardens, some of them older than me! i made a huge slideshow of her archwood garden (and some of my chickens, of course), see if you can identify some of these plants! many of them are edible. i call archwood the secret garden, like the book... anyways see for yourself....

white cocks and black pussies

we've learned a lot in the past week. i for one, have learned that chickens are like pets. they have personality, and it's surprising to say some intelligence as well.... we have decided that we have 4 males and 5 females. in order of size from largest to smallest we have given the cocks the following names: Jerky, Roast, Pot Pie, and Stew(ie). We have named a few of the girls, from smallest to largest they are: Henrietta, Estelle, and Phyllis. there are two nameless girls, which i humbly request from my readers to help me name. Weezy, i know you got some good ones. so, yesterday morning while we were naming our poultry, we got footage of the chickens and cats co-existing somewhat peacefully.

everything was going swimmingly until i tried to go back into the fenced-in backyard to get some more chicken feed. syrus made a run for it and slipped past my legs and went straight for the nearest chicken, which was one of the girls - estelle maybe - and pinned her down by my garden. once that happened, bibi and louie were out of the gate in a flash and i whirled around in slow motion to see louie run straight into the coop and bibi tackle a big male under the tree. i thought massive bloodshed was surely going to happen but my screaming actually made the dogs stop attacking and i got them back inside the fence. syrus was guilty, and he knew it - but deep inside he was thrilled with himself. the chickens were fine. i gave them some food and they soon forgot all about it. they don't care for the table scraps as much, but i covered some watermelon rind in chicken feed and now they are eating it.

i also did something unexpected this weekend. i chopped off all my hair. it used to be halfway down my back and now it is just a touch longer than chin length. it's a dramatic difference. i've never had hair this short before in my life. well, my first year of college it was almost this short but not quite. i'm not 100% sure it suits me, but everyone seems to like it. plus, i don't have those ratty dead ends and my hair catching on everything. i don't have to worry about dragging my hair across my food at the table or getting it rolled up in the car window. i worry that i look like edna from the incredibles....

and we have decided to enter in some videos to america's funniest videos of louie trying to swim. he actually got it figured out today when we took the spoiled brats to the lake again. he's even beat bibi to the ball a couple of times. but we've got some good footage and i plan to take more videos of the dogs howling with my harmonica and louie wrestling with bibi from under a blanket. watch the videos below to see what i have to pick from to send in. tell me what you think by casting your vote in the poll to the right of the page. thanks!

louie swimming take 1:



here's take 2:



here's the original video i posted a while back, maybe this one will work?




oh, i almost forgot - here's a video of choco and moto, pretending not to notice the chickens, or pretending not to care... in truth, they're a little scared of them.....

wet chicken

sorry to leave you hangin' but i will talk about this post title later. first, i have to post some pics i've taken in the last couple weeks. i'm behind only because spring is beautiful and there's been so much going on and that means an endless and vicious cycle of snapping photos. i have to backtrack a bit and show off this gorgeous azalea i have growing next to my carport. i didn't even know this was there!! and below we have a baby tomato on my cherry tomato bush on the patio. it's so cute! but, unfortunately some bug or something decided he was allowed to eat a little hole into my tomato!


also on the patio, hanging in baskets, are two strawberry plants that had sprouted some cute little white flowers and now these baby berries have appeared! it's raining today, can you tell?


this is the big magnolia tree right in front of my porch and it is covered with buds! we are going to have a gorgeous magnolia here shortly. i love magnolias so much, it just reminds me of georgia. kind of like palms remind me of savannah and ginkgos remind me of korea. oh, i just can't wait until this baby blooms! i'm going to be the next virtual asian georgia o'keefe! by the way, people; don't ever plant english ivy. anywhere. ever.

and this is my soon to be new pond! johnny put in an outdoor outlet on the porch just so i could have a pump and keep some koi fish in a big barrel. what a handy man. he even made me a little shelf to support my mermaid fountain. no, that is not a bag of weed, it's catnip. the weed's are in the backyard! hee-hee... anywhoo, i'll have pictures galore of this setup once it's up and running. see my pink harmonica? that's betsy. the dogs love her and i think my neighbors hate me. i like to play betsy on the porch after work and watch the chickens.

ok, now here's the fun part of this post where you, the reader, gets to participate in! let's play one of these things is not like the other, like sesame street. or was that electric company...? anyways the pic below is my little veggie garden and a mysterious plant just appeared next to my newly sprouting cucumbers. just to the right...between the cucumber and watermelon. i did not plant that there. it doesn't look like a weed. it's a very vigorous and strong stalk. here's my theory: it's either a papaya, mango, avocado, asparagus, potato, leek, garlic, ginger, cauliflower, broccoli, or cabbage. all the food we eat on a regular basis. that's because i may have dumped my old compost pile there a bit prematurely...

here's the first tomato-ling from my hybrid roma tomato bush. next year i would prefer some heirlooms (but seeds are expensive and damn, i can't use them all!). but for now, i'll eat whatever i can grow and be thankful. he's a cute little bugger, aint he?

i know you probably thought i forgot all about the bamboo shoots since the chickens arrived, but trust me, i haven't! i've been taking photos but they keep outgrowing me. these bamboo are what, almost 2 weeks old now? they are sprouting branches and the husks are falling off in piles around each shoot.

look at little miss bibi. she is doing great. the doctor is pleased with her healing and she seems to be in a lot less pain. she's looking healthier and playing more. she's also got a severe princess complex. can you just hear what she's saying in this picture?

and now we come to the wet chickens. here they are, in all their wet poopy glory. they were brilliantly white with just a little poo staining underneath but now each feather is variegated with poo. they stink! and they want FOOD. food. food. food. food. food. look at this cocky bastard!

i think i'll name her henrietta. she just looks like a henrietta. if she's a he, it'll be henry. today johnny and i were having pho at a favorite vietnamese restaurant when i realized (to my complete horror) that i left the chickens out of their pen. my hands flew to my mouth and all i could do was gasp! and just as i was saying, "i think i left the chickens out of the coop", some woman walked by and heard me and started laughing out loud. well, it turns out i didn't forget to put the chickens back in their pen. but it's still a recurring nightmare.

chickens are stupid?

sorry no pictures as of right now but i wanted to say more about the chickens, who are nameless still. i daresay chickens are stupid. last night was the second night i had to manually place each chicken into their henhouse. they figured out how to get out of it in the morning but don't remember how to get back in at night. so i had to pick up each one and place them together in their house. which is kind of fun, but a pain in the ass, too. i hope they figure out how to get inside at night soon.

but they have figured out that i am the source of food and fresh hay. when i go up to their pen clucking like a dumbass, they all poke their heads up and watch me coming, instead of running away. and when i open the door they come up to me! this morning they were even trying to eat the feed out of my cup before i could put it down. it's kinda cute. they all crowd around me, peeping.

yesterday i let them out of their pen for a few minutes to see what they would do. they all came out and started scratching and pecking. i had a bamboo stick to herd them if they started flying all over the place but they didn't go far from the pen. i got them back inside with no problems. a couple of my neighbors were walking past my house when i was herding the chickens back into the pen with my bamboo stick. i'm sure they think i am nuts.

did i mention that B bought me a harmonica the other day? it's a cheap plastic translucent pink one, but i love it and wanted one for a while. now, i come home and practice my harmonica on the front porch. i watch my chickens and garden grow. all i need now is a straw hat and some overalls. i wanted to start a bluegrass band that covers 80's pop but i'm having a hard time recruiting a banjo player and fiddler...

observations on poultry

well, i've spent some quality time with my birds and so far i have noticed these things:

1. we have way too many chickens.


2. they all pretty much look alike.


3. the only differences is size, and we have 3 big ones, 1 medium, and 4 small.


4. they really prefer their chicken feed over strawberries and apples.


5. they don't trust me.


6. they stink, and they poop anywhere and everywhere.


7. i think we have roosters in the mix.


8. they are pretty stupid. we had to put them in their henhouse at night.


9. they are warm, slightly squishy and soft.


10. they like to boss each other around.


11. they fluff up when they sit down to sleep.


12. i think they can fly.