one big ass nutshell

yes i know i totally abandoned my blog for several months. it seems like the last thing i wanted to do was write. i still don't really feel like writing but i guess i have to. its the purpose of this blog. and also... some crazy shit be happenin' in my life right now and i got to put it down somehow.

there's absolutely no way i could write about it all. none whatsoever..so i'm just going to paraphrase - alot.

the last time i posted i believe suejin was still pregnant, i hadn't left the country yet, and well...lets just try to start from the beginning, oh about mid-february-ish.

my mom and i went to europe. it was kind of a last minute arrangement and my ticket was paid for with skymiles. i didn't want to go because mainly, i thought i was going to have to deliver suejin's baby in the apartment myself. why? because she couldn't get medicaid without flying to hawaii for a stupid piece of paper. onbiously, she didn't have that kind of time left. not to mention money. so, trying not to panick, we came up with a new birthing plan - got to the ER. so we drove past the hospital nearest the house so we would know exactly where to go when the time came. however, my mother doesn't take no for an answer very well. she went ahead and got my ticket and then acted all surprised when i said, "i told you i can't go!"

the europtrip in and of itself could have been a movie - or at least a 1 hour episode... anyways mom screwed up and got us stranded in Paris with no luggage. well - sorta. she thought we were supposed to spend one night in paris before heading to florence (we were going to florence to meet some distantly related Om family member who was a chef at some fancy hotel - to recruit him). so we got off the plane at Charles de Galle aeroport and went to baggage claim. except our bags were on the connecting flight to florence at that point.

the airport scene is one to remember because my mother knows how to make a scene in public. and this is why i believe in karma and that the universe does have a sense of humor because as my mother was making a scene in the airport, a friend of mine posted this video on facebook.

we finally make it to florence, stay in this absolutely gorgeous hotel, met our distant relative who is a chef, did some fabulous shopping, came across a carnivale celebration in the streets, and then returned to paris (unfortunately) for one more night then went back home. a few days before i got back home suejin had her baby in the hospital. a daughter she named aubrey.

then, shortly after getting back from europe, kim and i get into a hugegantic fight. then me and johnny get into a fight. for some reason i decided to stop taking my happy pills during all this, and while at the height of withdrawal and everyone's all mad at each other, johnny's father passed away and i was so out of it i didn't know how to act. i felt like i was constantly on a boat in the high seas. i was just plain pissed off all the time and going nuts. then out of nowhere i get a phone call from my neice who was crying and the first thing that came to my mind was something terrible happened to my younger niece rena.

instead, my sister gets on the phone and informs me that our older sister, and my mom's eldest daughter, has found us. yes, she found us. my mother's pre-dying wish came true. the one thing she wanted before she died was to see her long-lost daughter again. my mother and my aunt have both asked me to look for her (and obviously i was very interested in finding her as well) but i didn't have any information to go on. all i knew is she was born in korea, around some general date, her name was something like suzanne and she was adopted by a caucasion couple from america. i contacting some adoption agencies but had no luck. i really didn't expect to ever find her. we knew nothing.

so, me and my sis both start crying and johnny and i had just started cleaning the house and now all of a sudden i'm crying on the phone and he's wondering wtf just happened.... mostly, i just couldn't believe it. i was so happy i couldn't believe it. the only thing was, mom didn't know yet. and we couldn't get in touch with her!

so the entire day mom was oblivious, gardening away at dry pond with her cell phone off and finally i get through to her and told her. she was completely shell shocked. mostly silent. i didn't know what else to say so i gave her Seujan's contact information and let her decide what to do. yes, my sister's name is Seujan..isn't that interesting? so from what i learned later, mom called suejan shortly after i told her. since then, we have all been talking to each other on the phone more often than we have in a long time.

this is Seujan, she is awesome. she looks just like my mom did. she is so much like us, from what we hear. she lives in seattle, washington (where my good buddies live!) and is a triathelete. she found us because she went to korea for a marathon and looked up her records and found her orphanage. she blogs, too. it's a crazy world we live in.

so, we are going to seattle to meet her. this friday, the 17th. me, my mom and johnny are all going to see her and our good friends we miss very very much. it happens to be Penelope's birthday and we did promise to come to her 1st birthday party.

mom is so very happy. it's going to be the most emotional moment of our lives. i know it may sound funny and its hard to explain but i love my sister even though we never met, and she didn't even know i existed until last week. she is a part of us, we areall uniquely bound even though we have been separated from each other. i think our lives are changed.

seaweed soup - meeyuk guk

this is a very nutritious and fulfilling korean soup that i always considered comfort food. it costs next to nothing to make and is very simple to cook. it's very tasty, despite what you may think..

 

first off, find your nearest asian food market and buy a package of dried seaweed. It will say seaweed somewhere on the package, anyways. it's hard to describe what it looks like, so here's a picture. it's quite cheap - this bag cost me $2.99 and there are several pots of soup that can be made from it. you will also need:

• toasted sesame oil
• olive oil
• fresh garlic
• chicken broth
• salt & pepper, to taste
  
• toasted sesame seeds, for garnish
• steamed rice, for side dish
  

 

 

you'll have to soak the seaweed before you can start cooking. use a big bowl and rip chunks of dried seaweed out of the package and pour plenty of room temperature water over them. set aside for 10 - 20 minutes. then, without touching the bottom of the bowl, gently swish the seaweed to loosen any sand and pluck the seaweed out of the bowl by the handful onto a strainer. gently press as much water out of the seaweed as possible and set aside.

on medium high heat, saute about 3 or 4 cloves of fresh minced garlic (depending on how much you like garlic) in a few tablespoons of olive oil. add the seaweed and keep saute-ing. the idea is to cook down the seaweed similar to spinach, until it is reduced and wilted a bit. this only takes a few minutes, make sure you keep stirring to avoid scorching the seaweed.

at this point you should add into the pot a few pinches of salt, and some freshly ground black pepper and a tablespoon of sesame oil. i had some leftover mushroom broth so i added about 2 cups of that for extra flavor. you could also saute a few pieces of beef for a heartier soup. my mother usually adds in dried anchovies. whatever you desire. once the seaweed is thuroughly cooked, add a carton of chicken stock and 2 cups of water. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer for about 20 minutes. that's it.

 

 

 it's best to eat the soup while it's hot. usually it is served with rice and a variety of side dishes (korean tapas, basically) like kimchi, anchovies, spicy pickles, bean sprouts stir-fry and maybe a fried fish. since we are poor and do not have a korean woman in the house, i just dump a bowl of rice right in the middle of the soup and eat it like that. don't forget to sprinkle the sesame seeds!

 

 

goin' down to chinatown

today was a good day. it started off sucky cause I couldn't sleep last night and then I finally went to sleep and ended up oversleeping. then i started to get an eye infection so i had to take out my contact lens. but soon it was time for suejin and i to go grocery shopping. we are on a very tight budget (about $180.00/month) on food for 4-5 people so we were a little worried about the food situation and like an answer from the cosmos we stopped at a light at the intersection of price st and henry st and had a fateful conversation. i always wondered what was inside the brick building that had a sign that said "chinatown grocery" on it. why? because it's the ONLY sign in savannah that even says chinatown, there's not a single asian person in sight because we are in the g-h-e-t-t-o. surely, it wasn't really a chinese grocery store - that would be....wierd. but for some reason i wanted to go check it out.

so we go inside and sure enough, it looks like a typical convenience store in the ghetto. but then... i found something that caught my eye. something so exciting that i almost thought my eyes were decieving me. there, at the front of the store was a big table with opened boxes full of - asian pastries!!! like the kind you get at mozarts - custard filled breads and sesame balls with red bean paste and even a hot dog stuffed bun! i was thrilled. so was suejin. we immediatly picked out some pastries for breakfast and continued looking around. in the back there was a meat counter and a petite asian woman doing something with her back turned to us. it wasn't a very busy store so i wasn't sure if the food was fresh but then i read some signs on the wall that said, "family specials". they had a meat deal where you could get 3 lbs of ground beef, 3 lbs of turkey wings, 3 lbs of turkey necks, 3 lbs of fish, 3 lbs of pork chops, 3 lbs of chicken thighs, 3 lbs of chicken drumsticks for $31.95. that's a lot of meat! we were wondering what we could make out of turkey necks and wings when the butcher came up and offered to give us extra chicken instead of the turkey. DEAL.

then out of nowhere an asian man tells us, there's more the back. so we go back there and it was like god smiled down upon us. it was a mini asian farmers market!! there were freezers full of rice cakes, squids, a produce section with persimmons and chestnuts and fresh ginger, a few aisles of asian canned goods like noodles, coconut milk and curries. every time we turned around a corner one of us was squealing with delight. suejin even found a shelf of asian cookies and yelled out, "LOOK, they have choco-pies!!"

we happily paid for our pastries and the wonderful butcher brought the boxof meat to our car. we were so happy. we had a month's worth of meat for $32. right now our freezer is packed to the gills.

we love chinatown.

random beautiful child

so johnny and i have been taking the dogs to a new dog park a lot recently and i honestly love this park because there's a large fenced in area and then a large field next to it with lush clover patches. today was such a beautiful day and the clovers were so green i laid down on the ground and snapped some photos. then out of nowhere a little girl shows up next to me and asks, "what are you doing?" and i replied, "taking pictures of the grass." without skipping a beat she asks me, "why?" and i had to kind of laugh because it was a good question. i said, "because it's so pretty." so she sits down next to me and looks at the grass and i asked her what her name was. she said her name is Beatrice.


she looked about 5 years old. I told her that i was also looking for a four leaf clover, because they are hard to find and they will bring me luck. so she settles in and starts looking for four leaf clovers. she was so cute, with bright red hair and freckles on her nose and cheeks. i couldn't help but take some photos of Beatrice.


she was a sweet girl and so innocent and precocious. her mother was sitting on a bench watching us and came over to chat. she said she was 47 years old and her daughter was 5. obviously a very much wanted and loved child! she helped me look for four leaves and picked a bouquet of clovers. i can't wait to have my own daughter!

she cooks!

i have a bunch of pics to show from the past couple days. but for now feast your eyes upon this!:


tonight's menu consisted of creamed spinach and ricotta filled pasta shells with a ground turkey meat sauce with melted mozzarella cheese. I used lots of garlic and for this meal my sous chef was Kim (normally it's johnny...) Since Kim can but doesn't cook, this was a remarkable occasion worthy of a photo shoot. Even though she was complaining the entire time, Kim can't pass up a chance to pose. we call this boobs 'n food:


this is the swish and flick: doesn't she look happy?

field peas and greens

johnny insists on his first meal of the year being field greens and peas and since i wasn't up to making some elaborate soup, i cheated a little bit and made him a spinach salad with garbanzo beans, black olives, onions, croutons, parmesan, mozarella & feta cheeses, grape tomatoes, sunflower seeds, mushrooms, bacon and italian dressing. it actually looks good but i don't think i can eat a hearty salad first thing in the morning.

thinking about my resolution

i think its very important for me to think carefully about my life and my future and make some resolutions towards my goals. maybe it's quiet around me to help with clarity so i should take advantage of it, right? for this week, i have very little i can do other than think. and plan. so for the next few days leading up to new year's, i will be contemplating the following areas of interest:

my physical health
my career
my future husband
my potential children
my geographical location(s)
my preferred lifestyle
my financial health

i feel like its very selfish to think all about me but i know i owe it to myself. i owe it to my family as well. i always have plans and goals but this time i really have to make some monumental changes and decisions towards my goals. i really can't afford to become distracted anymore. so, hopefully this week i will have the mental clarity and the willpower to make my resolutions come true.

not a very merry xmas

this year with all the crap that's going on, all the pressure we are under, all the stress we deal with everyday, johnny and i decided not to have christmas. beside the fact that we have zero money to spend on gifts or anything, we just wanted to be left the hell alone. even still johnny drove to beaufort to have xmas with his family just to make an appearance. i treated it just like any other day pretty much. i cooked and cleaned like i always do. but i didn't mind cause all the food came out great and the one guest we had over - emily, kim's old roomie - really enjoyed herself. so i guess i can honestly describe our christmas as laid back.

but it's pretty much safe to say i hate christmas. i am now officially the grinch. actually, i never really liked christmas that much as a kid, either. i hardly ever got what i wanted so i didn't bother making a list. when i got older i started getting some things i really wanted - mostly electronic gadgets from my mom (who i suspect was trying to make up for something). but more than anything i hated how people act around the holidays. it seems like people are either greedy, depressed, jealous, anxious, prideful, and self absorbed. i can't exactl exclude myself from those adjectives but i knew christmas was not a very good holiday. it seemed to bring out a lot of bad in people.

and it also stands to reason that since i don't believe in christ, i shouldn't be celebrating christmas. so i don't think i will celebrate christmas anymore. at least, not in it's modern "traditional" sense. yea, i like to decorate with christmas-y things. i like to bake cookies and make snowmen (theoretical snowmen, anyways), i like the general feel of christmas. but i hate the travelling, the obligation, the anxiety over gifts and family. so i'll take what i like and leave the rest.

what about our kids? are we robbing them of a happy childhood? if you really think your kids need christmas to have a happy childhood then you aren't doing a very good job. i think our kids will be very happy, and we will more than compensate for not brainwashing our children into thinking a fat man is going to give them presents. (no offense to fat men...)

so yeah. poo on christmas.

but we actually had a good time. i even got to make experimental peanut butter & jelly samosas.

pictures of life in the S-A-V

it's the end of december and we are sweating our boobies off in the dirty south...

bibi and louie decide it's too effin' hot out here too!

louie sniffs a palm rose.

there are about half a dozen people making palm roses in the park.

the fountain in forsyth park was all decked out for the holidays.

bibi window surfing on truman pkwy.

i shit thee not, this is a Wendy's on hilton head.

the chicken, potatoes & peas samosa filling we had for xmas.
'twas gooooood!

pppbbttttt! bibi says poo on xmas, too!

i miss pottery :(

i've been keeping an eye out for pottery wheels on craigslist but i can't even afford those. i wonder if there are manual wheels out there i can either make or buy... i just really miss playing with clay. making something useful - or maybe more interesting to look at than useful.

at the beach in december!

this is my favorite pic of smooshie enjoying his unlimited digging privileges

yea, it's been freakishly warm lately. i keep hearing on the news about all the snowstorms and just wishing a little of that will blow our way. the warm weather was supposed to end by sunday night (which it did!) so we took the bored dogs to the beach one last time for the year. hopefully the dog park will open back up soon and we can start taking them there again. i swear as soon as i have some money we will be donating to the dog park!

it seems like its taking forever to settle into this new apartment, mostly because of a major lack of storage. we have no closets!! we had way more stuff than this place could hold, plus a bunch of Kim's crap and suejin's stuff (mostly for baby). so, johnny in all his magnificent manly glory and handiness had to put up a bunch of shelves and stuff so we could put things away. my first concern was the stove area, which had no place to put spices and just two tiny little slivers of counter space on each side of the stove. I had johnny install a small shelf level with the top of the stove's display console and voila!


i just love organizing things and putting them in the perfect spot. even though this apartment has no storage, it has a lot of nooks and crannies perfect for making your own storage, which i love! the bathroom is my next task to tackle. friday night i made the first official homecooked meal: pot roast. i just love it when pot roast comes out good, and there's practically no way to mess up a pot roast in a crockpot. i don't even go by a recipe, i just play around with it knowing the basics of a good roast is to broil it first. i use about 10 cloves of garlic stuffed in the meat and a good bit of red cooking wine and mushroom broth. yuuummmmm....


my momsent me back to savannah last time with a van load of stuff, including plants, paintings, 100 year old mushrooms (i'll make a whole post on this topic, too), paintings, and fabric - oh! and a sewing machine!!! I cannot wait to use that baby! anyways, i still have to set up a sewing station so don't get too excited yet... right now there's a banana tree and a mango tree living on my kitchen table and i just wanted to show them off. thanks, mom!

dreaming of snow...

it's been hot in savannah lately. today was pretty warm, about 82 degrees and humid! the weather down here is so weird - it's warm one day then really cold the next. it's frustrating cause i can't put all my summer clothes away and i only own one or two sweaters. i want it to be so cold all i can do is snuggle under some blankets with some hot cocoa and a good book. but NOOOO...i'm sweating my tatas off in my tank top and little else on. i've reallybeen fantasizing about living up north somewhere far far away... like washington state or even canada. someplace beautiful and wild and where it gets lots of snow. i want to ski and make snowmen and eat and drink hot stuff! at this point, i'd be happy with some ice in the freezer. i really really want a big chunk of land to build my earthship and my farm and have snow dammit.

I'm bored, dammit!

 

so i'm trying to take a cute picture of louie sitting in suejin's lap and bibi keeps popping her big bubbly head into my picture. she'sobviously trying to tell me something - probably something like, "are you gonna take us somewhere today??"

another blogger...

please welcome my cousin suejin to the world of blogging - her baby blog is over at http://suesfirstbaby.blogspot.com/

i'm a guest blogger on her blog, too :) we are having fun playing around with the look of her blog, so expect it to change every now and then. we plan to have lotsa pictures to share!

it's been a long month...

yes, i realize i haven't posted in a month and my last post was obviously filler. so much has been going on i haven't been able to keep updated except for on facebook, which is like crack. i've been going all over the place and not been able to get online long enough to putz around on my blog. johnny and i have moved into an apartment downtown savannah with my bff Kim and my cousin Suejin, who is now 7 months preggers. Johnny's dad was moved to a nursing home after being released (more like expelled) from the hospital and he is doing good so far. of course, in the midst of all that, johnny's poor mom cracked a rib and was down for the count herself. well, whatever - johnny has so much drama in his life right now he needs to start his own damn blog, i can't keep up for the both of us. my drama is finally starting to wind down a bit - i feel much better now that we are moved into our own place (i don't want to sound unappreciative but jimmy's house was driving me nuts) and away from my mom. not that i don't love her but the woman drives me totally nuts and just when i thought nobody else could drive me nuts like her, suejin's mom has come to stay with us for a bit and THAT woman knows how to drive a person nuts. she nags nonstop about everything. and i mean everything - like cooking, cleaning, what to eat, what to wear, who should do what, etc... she cleans everything with rubbing alcohol over and over again. i thought I had OCD, but its nothing compared to suejin's mom.

i know it may seem like a lot on my plate having my pregnant cousin move in with us, but i am looking forward to it. i get along with her great and it's nice having family around. i don't know how i am gonna deal with her mom, though. that's a big rub right there. we've been buying baby stuff like crazy. i get a bunch of baby things from goodwill - i found an awesome old school high chair for the baby and a cute changing table. suejin's mom (Anna is her name) buys everything brand new - which kind of irked me (especially since they have no money) but i guess that's her perogative and not mine. goodwill is my favorite store and i guess it's just not for everyone.

i had thanksgiving with my mom in atlanta and we are planning to have christmas in savannah - just me, johnny, suejin and kim. i am sick and tired of travelling for the holidays to see family. i really dont even like christmas anymore, i just want to relax at home with friends. the dogs are happy, Anna gave them a korean scrub-down and all three of them are cleaner than the day they were born but they get love and attention from everyone so they are quite comfy and happy. we take them to the dog park which they love.

thats all for now, i am eyeball deep in moving boxes to unpack so i need to get started on that. i have pictures to post but for now it'll have to wait.

YAY OBAMA!!

Happy Halloween!

halloween from 3 years ago, my last big party

halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. it always has been, and i think always will be. i love that there's a day that the whole family can be creative and dress up and decorate and play jokes on each other and be spooky. i just love halloween. my favorite thing to do is to scare the bejeebers out of the kids that come to my door for candy. it's a ton of fun, i just love hearing their screams and giggles. and come on - who can resist the baby in a costume? it's too cute. i like halloween cause there's no pressure. no worrying about gifts or preparing a feast, it's just fun.

i have celebrated halloween every year of my life except this one. this year i have no home to call my own, no reason to dress up or have a party. it's a little sad, but i'm not stressing it - next year i'll celebrate halloween again. i am still trying to perfect my graveyard decor and i have big plans for it next time. for now, i'm gonna be an onlooker, not a participant.

kombucha

have you heard of a drink called kombucha? i just read about it today and i am totally intrigued. it sounds like it might be something i like. bryna introduced me to yerba mate, with cream and sugar, and i love it. i found this website about kombucha and i'm thinking about buying a mother batch. if you have any opinions on it, let me know in the comments. it appears to be getting very popular and can't be any worse than noni juice!

my very first piece of pottery, which i gave to my mom...

being back at dry pond is like having a powerful flashback. i remember spending thanksgiving there with just johnny and my mom and syrus and grilling steak outside in the cold and how incredibly awesome fresh baked french loaf with cream cheese and fig jam is. i remember all the way back when it was a worn down shamble of a house and fixing it up with ricky and a crew of mexican immigrants. i remember meeting my cousin's baby mama at a major family holiday gathering and having to keep my aunt aja from attacking kris's girlfriend from the other side of the dining table. how many countless hours of karaoke sung and korean card games played, fires lit in the fireplaces and meals eaten. i find random things left at dry pond and accumulated into a museum of family crap, like the above pictured pottery, which i made in my very first pottery class. i hate going to dry pond but i also love it. it's just a really emotionally charged place.

feeding time at the koi ponds....

we went up tp hurricane shoals park after collecting crystals so i could dunk my feet in the cold river and it was so relaxing, i had to record the moment. well, it was relaxing to me and my mom, i don't think johnny was very relaxed, he was on his second day of forced nicotine withdrawal (by forced i mean he had no choice of smoking around my mother).

too much to catch up on!

my mom sewing a skirt for me at dry pond

besides the fact that i constantly lose vital components to either my laptop or camera which prevent me from posting and/or uploading pics, i've been so busy lately that i can't even remember all the stuff i wanted to blog about! the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of friends and family and job hunting, apartment hunting, roadtrips and living out of a suitcase. this is literally the first chance i've had to sit down and write. so while my camera is uploading 300 pictures onto my computer, i'll just briefly touch on the highlight of events.

picked crystals on my new green skirt...

i've spent a lot of time with my mom. going to dry pond and her land that has the crystals. we've picked so much crystal that it filled a pickle jar (thanks, johnny!) and 3 strawberry cartons. i'll post pics of that. i've learned a lot of new things about my family, my mom's past, why she did the things she did and it was kind of a breakthrough. for the first time in her life, she apologized to me. she really apologized and admitted things she never could. she's still a stubborn pain in the ass but i understand her now. the woman has had it tough and never got any credit for it either.

bog mint tea, picked fresh from the koi ponds!

i also spent a lot of time with my cousin suejin and it is now a top priority for me to help her and her mom make a better life for themselves. suejin is 6 months pregnant and has absolutely no support - physically, emotionally, or financially. they are teetering on the edge of homelessness and despair and i just can't bear to think that i've been helping everyone but my own cousin my whole life. she and i are so alike, and i can imagine how totally sad and broken i would be in her position. i don't feel sorry for her, i feel frustrated at how things have happened.

my wonderful friend Shai from india is in town for my wedding. Unfortunately, the wedding has been postponed and she flew all the way from Mumbai! luckily, she's not pissed off and we are all so happy to see each other we don't care. I missed her terribly and I don't want her to leave but she's got other places to go, people to see so she'll be gone this friday.

shai finds a broken perfume bottle in her luggage...

shai is so cute!

new relationships

I think that the overall tone of this blog is going to lighten up significantly as the year ends. I know a lot of bad things have happened (and even though I blab about a lot of it here, you don't even know the half of it), but things are still looking up and from experience I know that once you've hit the bottom the only way left is up.

So I'd like to take a much needed moment to reflect on some of the good things that have happened recently. First off, my mom is talking to me again, and I am talking to her. I did not speak with her from the day I told her I was getting married to the day of my uncle's funeral and the moment I saw her sitting by herself and crying at the funeral home, all I could do was hug her and tell her I love her. I think she needed me more than anything. I felt bad about our rift but we didn't even have to mention it, it was like it never happened.

I also re-united with my long lost cousin Suejin. Her and I were estranged because our mothers had a huge fight when we were kids and never spoke to each other again (the silent treatment is a hereditary skill). Suejin and I went out to have coffee and started to re-kindle our relationship. Before our moms fought, we were inseperable. In fact, we even used to dress alike and hold hands all the time. We fought each other like cats and dogs but also knew each other like the back of our hands. She was the closest thing to a sister I had as a kid. We felt like we had been robbed of our relationship so we decided to be close again no matter what our mothers say.

This last one is a little bottersweet because I managed to learn some news things about my family and in the process lost my other cousin Kris. He didn't die, but he turned his back on me and my mom. Normally, this would have hurt me and angered me but there's nothing I can really do to fix it so I'm letting it go. In exchange for that, I understand my mother on a whole new level.

I also made some important self-discoveries that I think came to me by the balancing of karma. I am beginning to believe a little more in the concept of a destiny, and the idea that you are born with one. I think it's an inherent talent and disposition towards something that had to have been manifested by a previous soul and reborn as a new person's destiny. I know it sounds completely nuts but I promise I'm not becoming a fanatic mysticist. It makes perfect sense to me, only because I don't believe in coincidences. I think it's truly a blessing to recieve your destiny because you will feel everything you lacked like confidence when insecure and happiness when sad. It's like finally having peace of mind. Like finding something you cherished but lost long ago. Maybe it's just me hitting a very late puberty. I feel enlightened.

I am also feeling financially enlightened as I am now managing her hotel project and will be compensated. And, Johnny has finally gotten an economic break. I can't wait until the election, as I truly think things are going to get much better.

smooshie has a new nose

I've only been gone for a week and it seems like an eternity. I've come to think that I don't consider Atlanta home anymore. a week is all I can take. The stress level there is beyond high. I can't even imagine how people live there anymore with all the smog, traffic, corruption and panic. My body and mind were screaming "get out of here!" and my ankle flared up along with my insomnia and indigestion. At one startling moment, I realized I was homesick, and I felt sad and insecure. I was drowning in sorrow with all of the rest of the city.

So, I couldn't take it anymore and posted an ad on craigslist in a moment of weakness; despite the obvious stupidity, and searched for a ride to savannah. To my surprise I got a reply the next day from a woman named Maureen telling me she was headed that way and if I could tell her who I was. I hitchhiked on the internet. So I replied back,

Hey Maureen,

I'm Heather, I went to SCAD and my fiance and I live in Beaufort (which is only 30 mins from SAV). I'm stuck in Atlanta with my parents cause I had to go to a funeral and they were supposed to bring me back to Savannah this weekend but then they had other plans they forgot they already made. I don't want to wait until next weekend so I thought I'd try to find someone heading my way. I can literally be dropped off anywhere in Savannah, I have friends and family all over the place. I just don't want them to waste gas coming to get me cause gas is so freakin expensive. I was hoping to get a ride with a female driver cause ya know.. parents would freak out if i told them i was hitching a ride with a strange man...not to mention fiance would probably not like that! Soooo glad you're a girl... or are you a guy with a girl's name? I'm betting you're a girl. Anyways, I'm not psycho, don't smoke, don't care if you do, and will listen to whatever you want to listen to as long as it isn't gospel music. I'm scad alum (masters in architecture) so I'm not some crazy college kid with pink hair and piercings everywhere. Pretty normal, relatively.

my cell phone # is ******** and I'm staying in Doraville, right by spaghetti junction. I can be up and ready at 7 am and I can even take turns driving if you want. Let me know what you decide and I will go ahead and tell my parents peace out!

So now we are friends on facebook. Maureen turned out to be a really cool chick with two beautiful kids, a 3 year old boy named Reed (a.k.a. Diego) and a 8 year old girl named Ridley. I watched cartoons and movies on the DVD player in the car with the kids and talked about homebirthing with Maureen (she did solo homebirths for her brood). It was actually a really pleasant drive and we enjoyed each other's company. Her kids were "in showbizness" cause they were going to savannah to be in a SCAD thesis film. The little boy was really happy go lucky and bright as a star. He liked to watch the cartoon Diego (like Dora the explorer, fyi) in spanish. The little girl was a bit ornary at being awakened on a saturday morning at 6 am to take a 4 hour car ride. Before even leaving atlanta she was asking if we were there yet. But she was adorable and sweet, too. She would touch the back of my elbow with her big toe from the backseat.

The whole thing just made my desire to have kids flare up and we even talked about that. Her advice was to "just do it". heh. alot easier to say than do. Anyways, we had lunch at sentient bean coffeeshop at forsyth park and then went our separate ways. I'll miss my 4 hour friend.

But once I got into the car with johnny, I felt 100% better. I realized that I felt more at home in savannah and beaufort than I did in atlanta, and how weird that was because I used to hate savannah. When we got home, the dogs were naturally really happy to see me and I got kisses all around. I noticed smooshie was not in the horde of dogs attacking me, so I called out for him and I heard him start his happy whining and crash through the doggie door, nails all slipping on the linoleum. I guess he was outside, but once he realized who was standing before him, he became frantic to find a toy to pick up and offer to me (he always greets bearing gifts). It was the best feeling in the world. I noticed immediatey that his nose had changed to a light pink color.

When I find my damn camera cord, I'll be uploading a ton of new pictures.